The Memory I Can't Forget
by Smurfinablender
Summary: Alison is forced to confront her feelings when the person she's thought was dead for the past five years suddenly shows up at Cosima and Delphine's wedding. A 10-Part SoccerCop Fiction.
1. Chapter 1

**_Chapter 1_**

_"You are cordially invited to celebrate the union of_

_Miss Cosima Niehaus_

_And_

_Miss Delphine Cormier_

_Casa dei Ricordi Inn_

_Saturday, September 2nd, 2017"_

Alison looked down at the invitation in her hand. She had been standing with immaculate posture staring at it for the last five minutes. Contemplating, she sipped from her wine glass of sparkling cider. The invitation had come months before, and Alison was beyond excited for her friends. Yet, for some reason, today, she felt a heavy weight on her shoulders.

The wedding was in three days. Donnie had been surprisingly helpful in getting the kids ready to drop off at her mother's and they had a rather large room booked at the small cabin-resort. By all means this was the kind of marital retreat that did wonders for couples like Donnie and her. Yet, she looked at the invitation differently today than she had before. Something about it sank in, and something about it made her feel terribly lonely.

It wasn't Donnie's fault. In fact, the last few years of their marriage had been wonderful. After rehab and after the Leekie incident, Donnie had finally started pulling his weight. He had become the man she fell in love with all those years ago. The problem was, despite loving him fully, she knew he could never replace _her_.

"Kids are in, bags are packed." Donnie said as he walked in the door, "Do you need to do a final walk-through to make sure we aren't forgetting anything?"

Alison remained silent, thinking, still standing there, staring at the card.

"Ali?" Donnie cut into her thoughts.

"What?" Alison replied as she came out of her daydream. "Oh yeah, no, I have everything packed. I made a list and ran through it this morning. We're good to go."

"Make sure to bring that invitation; I'll need to put the address in the GPS."

Alison nodded curtly, and grabbed her jacket from the back of the couch. She looked around the house and headed out into the car. Donnie followed shortly after, opening the driver-side door and slamming into the seat ungracefully, the car shaking.

He turned around, "You guys ready to spend a super fun weekend at Grandma's?"

"She always makes our clothes all stiff and crusty." Gemma complained.

Oscar added, "Her house is an entire 'look but don't touch' museum or something."

Donnie shot Alison a knowing smirk. He agreed with them but laughed it off.

"Your grandmother loves you very much," Alison said, "I remember how hard it could be as a kid in her house, but she cares about you and has been looking forward to this for months."

Oscar looked out of the window silently as Donnie started the car up and backed out of the garage.

This was going to be a fun weekend getaway with Donnie. She was happy to see her friends, and they would be far enough away from Toronto that no one should question a family of "triplets" attending a wedding. Of course if Helena was able to make it, that could throw a wrench in things. Alison's head hurt at trying to explain four identical people. Somehow the fourth person added exponential risk to the ruse.

Alison's mother didn't keep them long, just for one cup of tea. Donnie always tried to find an exit as quickly as possible from conversations with her mother. Alison couldn't blame him, the woman was insufferable. However, she was watching their kids for free this weekend, and so Alison thought one cup of tea wouldn't be a horrible trade-off. They were now on the road again heading north.

"Can you put the address in the GPS?" Donnie asked, "I know it's by the wildlife reserve, but I didn't check specifically where we were going."

Alison leaned forward and removed the invitation from her purse. She looked at it silently.

"Ali?"

"What?" Alison snapped back, "Oh, yes, sorry, here it is."

Alison typed in the address but something felt off. The address looked familiar. She couldn't put her finger on it. She'd never been to _Casa dei Recordi Inn_, but she still felt the eerie feeling of déjà vu. She didn't remember where she had read it before, but something about it gave her chills. She shook her head focusing. She put the address into the GPS and laid her head back to take a nap.

* * *

Flashes. Memories. Laughter.

Beth took the glass of wine from Alison's hand and set it down on the table. She then placed the gun in Alison's hand and standing behind Alison, wrapped her hands around Alison's shoulders, placing them on her hands, guiding the gun. Beth's breath smelled of aged Syrah, and the warmth tickled Alison's neck.

"Don't white-knuckle it," Beth said into Alison's ear, "just hold it lightly, but make sure you're firm enough that it won't kick-up on you."

With Beth's arms around her, guiding her hands, Alison pulled the trigger. The shock of the blast sent a jolt through Alison, but something about it also sent empowerment through her.

"Holy…Shish kabob" Alison said as Beth backed off from behind her.

"Shit, Hendrix." -Beth laughed- "Only you can make shooting a gun less intimidating."

Alison shot her a glare, "Just because I shoot a gun doesn't mean I have to speak crass too."

"Of course it does," Beth said, "that's half the fun."

"We have very different views of fun." Alison said.

"None of that now, you know this is strictly business."

Alison guffawed. "Nothing with you, Beth, is 'strictly business' "

Beth blushed and nudged Alison in the side. They laughed at the joke, and Beth leaned against Alison. "When it comes to protecting you," she said, "I take it seriously."

Now it was Alison's turn to blush. "I don't need to protect myself, I've got a big strapping detective for that."

"Yeah, some detective. I'm a year on the job, I'm not exactly a seasoned vet."

"You're seasoned enough for me." Alison said.

Beth became serious. She looked down and kicked at the dirt. After a short pause she spoke her mind. "You pull me back Ali," She said, "When things get too serious, you pull me back from the edge."

Alison turned, looking into Beth's eyes. "I'll always be here for you, Beth. You know that, don't you?"

Beth paused before pressing her forehead against Alison's, "You got it, 'burbs."

Alison laughed and pushed Beth away. "You know I hate when you call me that."

"Bullshi-" but Alison raised a warning hand cutting off Beth's word. Beth smiled at the gesture before continuing. "Bull, you pretend things annoy you when you deep down think they are adorable. I know you, Hendrix, you can't hide from me."

Beth was right, no one, not even Donnie could read her quite like Beth. Alison tried to toss it off as simply detective intuition, but she was having a hard time believing her own lie now.

Beth smiled once she realized she'd won. Alison pouted for a few seconds before cracking a smile herself. "You're a brat," she said, "you just better be glad you're a cute brat."

* * *

The horn of a semi-truck woke Alison.

"Damn trucks think they own the road." Donnie complained.

Alison looked around, trying to lock back into reality. She sat silently; gazing out at the trees as they shot passed the car. She had been having Beth-dreams again. She had them every few months and they always rattled her. Something about those memories wouldn't leave her. Wouldn't give her a break. She took a breath. Usually she had one or two and then had a few months respite, but this marked the sixth dream in a week. If she hadn't been three years sober, she would have gone to bed after a few glasses of wine in hopes of a dreamless sleep..

"How much longer?" She asked.

"Oh we only have about thirty more minutes, at least that's what Gunther says."

Donnie insisted on referring to the GPS by the name 'Gunther.' For some reason Donnie enjoyed the British accent that the GPS spoke with, and was fond of the idea that it was some sort of butler. The GPS would ting in with it's high-class British accent 'Take a right here' and Donnie would start with his abysmal attempt at an accent himself, responding 'Right! Cheerio Gunther!' Alison would never let Donnie know that she actually found the whole embarrassing exchange quite cute. No need to encourage him.

That dream. Of course, it wasn't just a dream; it was a memory. It was a memory that Alison had repressed. She tried not to think about her time with Beth. Their relationship didn't last any longer than a year, and everything about it was wrong. She had been married and she had fallen in love with a woman. Not just any woman, but her clone. Alison wasn't even sure what to call it. The whole thing felt awkwardly pretentious and self-gratifying. Something about falling in love with someone who looked exactly like you seemed the most egotistical thing a person could do. Yet, Beth wasn't anything like Alison. Where Alison was grace and rules, Beth was blunt and mischievous. Beth's straightforward attitude is what drew Alison to her, that and the girl's style. Alison hated how Beth could somehow wear the most utilitarian outfits and yet somehow still look like she came out of a catalog.

Hate can be a funny thing. Sometimes the things we hate about a person are what we miss most when they're gone. A tear formed on Alison's cheek, which she quickly brushed away to hide her mental transgressions.

"Destination in three kilometers." Gunther announced.

Alison popped up in her seat and straightened out her sweater. She inhaled and opened her eyes wide to dry any residual tears. Opening the glove box, she slipped out a piece of gum to freshen her breath.

"Destination in one kilometer."

Alison leaned forward and picked her purse off the floorboard, placing it in her lap. She sat straight in her seat.

"You have arrived at your destination."

The car pulled around a corner, the road lined with tall beautiful trees that were already slightly tinged with color to mark the beginning of fall. Alison smiled at the pretty trees, shaking away another memory of similar trees, except with a different person in the driver's seat.

The breaks squealed as the car came to a stop. Alison tilted her head as she looked at _Casa dei Recordi. _Something felt off. Something felt familiar. Alison got out of the car, confused. Donnie walked around the side and opened the trunk slipping the bags out.

"Ready for a great weekend?" Donnie asked.

"Ready for a great weekend?" Beth repeated in Alison's mind.

Alison gasped.

She stumbled back against the car. Her eyes darted to the left and right. The gazebo in the front lawn, the trees changing leaves, the red door at the front, all of it was familiar. All of it made sense because Alison had been here. It was five years ago that Beth and Alison slipped away for a weekend. It was called _Cottage Amant _then. They sat on those chairs in front of the quaint white resort. They laughed in that Gazebo in the lawn. It was five years ago that Alison first told Beth she loved her.

Alison fainted.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

"She's coming to," a thick British accent said.

Alison blinked, darkness turning to foggy light. "Professor Higgins?" she asked. There was light laughter. Alison rubbed the blur from her eyes to see Felix sitting by her bedside.

"We have to get you a better variety of musicals sweetie," Felix said, staring at her from the side.

"Are you ok, Alison?" Donnie asked.

Alison looked around the room and saw Sarah sitting quietly on a chair against the wall. Thankfully the room wasn't packed with on-lookers. She was embarrassed enough with these three. Alison sat up in the bed and suddenly realized she was in an alien environment.

"Is this the room?" she asked.

"Yes," Donnie said, "you hit your head pretty hard when you fell. Felix was coming to help us with our bags and helped me move you in here."

Alison raised her hand to her bandaged head. She reflexively yanked her hand down and placed it in her lap. She took a breath. "I'm fine, Donnie,"-Alison reasserted control-"It was simply the long drive, and I stood up too fast, nothing more. If you guys don't mind, I'd rather move on from this and on to the festivities."

Felix laid his hand on Alison's and smiled, "Well, then let the festivities begin." He shot her a wink and stood up.

Sarah rose from her chair and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Cosima and Delphine won't be here for a few hours," Sarah said, "I think they wanted us all to meet for dinner at seven."

"Perfect," Alison said, "Donnie will finish grabbing the bags, and I'll get some fresh air. We can all meet up later at the restaurant?"

The three of them shared glances before all agreeing. Each gave Alison a reassuring hug and left the room leaving Alison to breath, alone. She took a deep, steady breath, which soon broke into a shaky sob. After all these years, why was this all coming back? Alison had moved on. Alison had pushed Beth to the back of her mind. She could never forget her, she knew that, but she didn't have to be tied up in thoughts of her. She gasped for a shallow breath.

"You said I could keep you from the edge, and then you went and jumped from it."-She slammed her fist on the bed- "What does that say about me, Beth?"

Refusing to let it get to her, Alison got dressed, did her make-up and removed the embarrassing bandage from her forehead. The gash was bigger than she expected but it was easily hidden with a headband. Finally, Alison stood in front of the mirror and brushed out her sweater, pulling on the bottom to get out any errant wrinkles.

Alison raised her chin and walked to the door, determined to turn the day around. She took a breath and walked out. The lobby was beautifully open with the doors all faced inside, surrounding the large room. Each room had fake flowers by the doors and numbers against the wall like they were tiny little houses. There were two large staircases on either end of the lobby that lead up to higher floors with groupings of couches and chairs in the center. Alison turned and locked the room door before continuing out into the lobby.

They really had done a good job renovating the place. Alison remembered that the walls and doors were a drab brown before and now had a clean white paint over them. The little doors to each room were red and the whole area felt very bright and comforting. It was going to make a beautiful wedding venue. Alison suddenly remembered a flower garden out back with a beautiful path. She changed directions towards the garden.

She took a walk down the pathway into the trees beyond. As she tucked behind the tree line, away from the resort, she came upon the clearing she had searched for. Beautiful stretching gardens were sprawled out in front of her. It was just as wonderful as she remembered.

* * *

"Oh these are fantastic" Alison said as she dragged Beth alongside her.

"They look like a bunch of flowers to me," Beth said.

"Oh don't be a sore thumb, these are gorgeous." Alison ran to each patch, taking in the scents and smells. White Trilliums stood brightly in large displays in front of them, accented with Dragon's Mouth on either side. Finally, beautiful Hydrangeas finished off nature's painting. Beth stood in the same place, as Alison walked around, only moving when dragged by the hand.

"You're gorgeous." Beth slipped in making Alison stop and turn towards her.

"Of course I am, I look like you" she winked back. Beth smiled.

The afternoon went on like this until they found a bench on the southern side of the garden. Beth sat with Alison next to her. Disobeying the warnings, Beth picked a lily, and gave it to Alison. She laid down on her back, head in Alison's lap, staring at the sky.

"I'm glad we did this." She said.

Alison smiled down, "I'm glad we did too. I wasn't sure how it was going to work, but I think it's been fun."

"It isn't over yet," Beth said, "I heard they have couple's massages."

"No!" Alison protested. "I will not get naked and oiled up by a stranger."

"I figured you'd say that," Beth laughed, "So I got them to just rent out the room to us."

Alison furrowed her eyebrows, confused, "What will that do?"

Beth smiled, "Well you didn't say you were opposed to a massage, just that you were opposed to a stranger giving you one."

Alison thought for a second before blushing at the realization of what Beth insinuated. "What? Detective Childs is going to give me a rub-down?"

Beth laughed in her lap, "Good-cop, bad-cop isn't just for the interrogation room you know."

Alison rolled her eyes, "I don't even know how to interpret that."

"The worst way possible of course."

Alison began absently running her fingers through Beth's hair. She noticed a few people looking their way. They would just have to believe Beth and her were really close twins. Normally it was something that would drive Alison crazy, but today, she couldn't care less what other people thought.

"Are you being serious?" Alison asked.

Beth sat up and stared her in the eyes, "Of course I am." Beth said, "Alison Hendrix, can I rub your body down with warm oils?"

Alison blushed and threw her lily at Beth.

"Hey!" Beth protested, "Is that what my gifts mean to you?"

Alison laughed and without thinking leaned in and kissed Beth. Their lips touched and Alison felt a rush of energy start from the top of her shoulders and run down her back while simultaneously running through her arms to the tips of her fingers.

They pulled back. "Woah," Beth said. "This just got a lot harder to explain."

They turned their heads to see an older woman staring at them in disbelief. She was frozen in shock. Alison blushed and Beth grabbed her hand pulling her up from the bench. "We're Mormon," is all Beth said, as if that was any explanation at all. She pulled Alison down the path away from the garden. Alison laughed as she watched Beth running in front of her, straight hair bouncing in the wind they created. It was the first time in years that Alison didn't care what people thought, it was the first time she felt alive.

* * *

Alison sat on the same bench, staring at the changes that had occurred since the new management. Most of the garden was the same, but slight arrangements had moved. The sun was unusually warm on her skin while the breeze sent a slight chill through her body. September weather at it's best.

"I want that weekend back." Alison whispered to herself, not allowing the tears to rise.

"Do you really?" A voice behind her said.

Alison turned around to see Beth standing back from the garden, behind the bench and close to the treeline. She looked, older, somber but the small smile was the same, like she knew something you didn't know. This time, however, Beth did know something Alison didn't know. Alison felt weak at the sight of Beth and didn't know what to say, didn't know how to begin. She looked around for help; anyone to tell her what she was seeing wasn't there. She couldn't be.

"You're dead." was all Alison could get to leave her lips. "or... oh God, I'm losing it aren't I? I'm barely thirty-three and I'm already losing my marbles."

Beth stood there silently, not offering any help to Alison on how the grasp the situation. She just stood there, calm, stoic and aloof.

"Tell me I'm not crazy, tell me you're not dead, tell me something Beth!" Alison couldn't fight the tears from escaping her eyes, "What the, what the f-fraglerock is going on?"

Beth smiled at the word-replacement, which set Alison off, "Don't shoot me that darned smile Beth. Don't sit there and act like this is some Christmas surprise. Gosh, darn… Dammit Beth."

"I can never begin to explain-" Beth began, but was cut off.

"Begin to explain? No, this isn't something you explain Beth," Alison bit back in a hushed yell. "Bumping into another car in the super market is something you explain, wearing white after labor day is something you explain, accidentally using salt instead of sugar in your bake-sale cookies is something you explain, Beth. Telling the person who gave you everything that only she can take you back from the edge before jumping in front of a train is not something you explain. Faking your death in some unknown way and then disappearing for five years is not something you explain. You don't get to explain that Beth." Tears raced down her cheeks, her mascara smearing as anger rose in her.

"I'm sorry." Beth said. It was all she needed to say as Alison ran and buried her face in Beth's chest.

"Why Beth?" Alison pleaded into Beth's blouse, "Why did you do this to me?"

"Does it matter?" Beth said simply, "Will anything I say be able to explain any of it?"-Beth wrapped her arms around Alison and held her close.-"I'm here, now, Alison."

She was right. No matter what Beth said, nothing could explain what happened, nothing could explain why she was here. Beth Childs died five years ago after committing suicide by jumping in front of a train. Felix saw her body, Vic saw her body, it happened. In that morgue laid the body of Detective Beth Childs and with it the heart of Alison Hendrix. There was no explanation that would make sense to Alison. There was nothing that could be said to make any of this make sense.

Alison didn't care.

It was impossible. Yet, here she was, and Alison gave up caring. She buried her face deeper into Beth's shirt and felt something she hadn't felt in five years. She felt alive.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3_**

Beth Childs was alive.

Alison couldn't believe it. It didn't make sense. Beth showed-up behind Alison and reentered her life. The two of them had ducked behind the trees, hiding from view. Alison was glad to be away from inquisitive eyes. Leaves above cast mismatched shadows across Beth's face. Both of them stood, neither wishing to speak. Beth leaned her back against a large aspen while Alison had a compact out and was fixing the smeared mascara on her face.

Alison finally spoke in a hushed tone. "So, where have you been?" Alison said, failing to mask the hurt in her voice.

"I can't say," Beth said, "I want to tell you, but I can't."

"Can't tell me? I thought you could tell me anything, Beth."

Beth looked up into the canopy of leaves above. "Alison," Beth said, "it's been torture on me to be away from you, but I'm not allowed to say anything."

"Not allowed?" Alison said, incredulous, "Are you some secret agent or-"

Beth looked into Alison's eyes.

"You are," Alison said knowingly, "you are some super-secret detective."

"Alison-" Beth said.

Alison wouldn't let her speak. She put away her compact and began pacing. It seemed so simple, but it rang true. "It makes perfect sense. I'm living an episode of 'The Blacklist' or something. It's the clone thing, you're running some operation-thing against the program."

Beth looked to the ground, silent.

"And they needed you to fake your death." Alison said, putting pieces together, "Have you been watching us from afar this whole time? Oh, God, do you know about Leekie?"

"Who?" Beth said.

Alison brushed past the question. "Nobody, old hairdresser," She dismissed, "you can't get past me Beth, I've watched too many get-the-bad-guy shows to know a secret agent when I see one."

Beth was just as Alison remembered. She stood with the same all-knowing stance, her fingers slipped into her back pockets. She was trying to be serious, but Alison could tell she was amused by the entire charade.

"Alison, I need you to calm down." Beth said.

"Oh, right," Alison realized, "I'm going to blow your cover. I got it, play cool, and be calm." Alison accented her last words by pushing at the air in front of her.

Beth smiled. "I forgot how cute you are when you get excited."

Alison stopped. She had been too distracted with understanding how Beth was standing right in front of her, that she hadn't taken in the gravity of the situation. Beth Childs was alive. She was right in front of Alison. All of the bargaining, the pleading in her mind. All of Alison's late night desires and dreams. All of Alison's emotions of the last half-decade were personified mere feet away. "I _never_ forgot how cute you were," Alison said, "that's the problem. I could never seem to forget you." Alison laughed a kind-of sympathetic pity-laugh. She avoided eye contact with Beth, trying to stay composed.

Beth stepped forward and took Alison's hand in hers. Alison looked in her eyes. "Why'd you come back?" Alison asked, "Why are you here?"

Beth rubbed her thumb over the top of Alison's hand in circular motions. Alison allowed herself to squeeze on Beth's fingers to check that they were real. Beth leaned in and kissed Alison on the cheek. "You." Beth said, "Cosima. The wedding. I needed to be here, I needed to fix some things I left open."

Alison pulled her hand away. "So you're not staying." She accused.

"I'm here now," Beth said, "and we'll figure out the future when it happens." It was all she gave to Alison. It was all Alison needed to hear.

Alison hugged Beth. She didn't give a warning, she wasn't proper or polite, she burst forward and grabbed Beth in a tight embrace. The hug said 'I love you' even if Alison was too stubborn to say the words outright. She held Beth tight, fearing that to let her go would be to lose her again. A realization finally released her grip.

"Cosima!" Alison said. "She isn't going to believe any of this!"

Beth backed away from the hug. "She can't know." Beth said. "Alison, you have to promise me this stays a secret. I can't let her know I'm here. I don't want to steal the thunder from her wedding. I can't do that, and I can't face all the questions that I can't answer."

Alison was conflicted knowing Cosima would never know Beth was there, but exhilarated with the idea that Beth was hers, and hers alone.

"A secret," Alison said, half convincing herself. "ok. I can do this."

"Are you sure?" Beth asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Alison continued, "I once played Anita in West Side Story."

"I have no idea what that means." Beth said.

"She kept a secret," Alison said, "Well…sort of."

"Sort of?"

"There may have been horribly planned misdirection that resulted in Tony's death," Alison said, "but I'm definitely better at secrets than that horrible trollop Anita."

Beth laughed and leaned in, kissing Alison. Alison raised her hand to her lips, silent. She had not felt those lips in five years and immediately it all came back to her. Everything they experienced, everything they had. She slammed Beth against the aspen and kissed her. She kissed her passionately, hands on Beth's waist. Beth slid her hand up the back of Alison's sweater. Their kisses were a multitude, all wrapped in the same perfect kiss. The two of them held one another, ignoring the passage of time.

"I missed you." Alison said as she finally released her.

Beth cocked an accusatory smile, "You're damn right, you did."

Alison rolled her eyes, and raised her hand to her chin, index finger framing her face. "I have no idea how this is going to work." She said.

"We're just going to have to be sneaky about it." Beth suggested.

Alison shook her head in small movements. "I have so much I have to do," she said, "I mean, there are activities planned the entire weekend. I can't just miss them all."

"Then we'll meet at night," Beth said, "or early in the morning. We'll meet in between your events. Surely you can sneak away for small bits of time."

Alison missed this desire, this magnetism. She smiled. "I did hit my head," she said, "I could say I was dealing with migraines."

"What?" Beth asked, "What do you mean?"

Alison lifted her headband and pulled back her bangs showing the now-bruising gash. "I pulled _an Alison_," She said, "it's just like me to dramatically faint at someone else's wedding."

Beth leaned forward and examined the bruise. She pulled out a soft cotton patch of cloth from her back pocket and wiped at the injury. Alison winced. She contemplate why Beth just carried around fancy handkerchiefs._ She's always prepared,_ Alison thought, _she's always one step ahead._

"This needs to be bandaged." Beth insisted.

"No." Alison said, "I will not walk around a resort like a leper. It can wait three days and then I will bandage it, if I must."

Beth blew softly on the gash, "You don't understand how wounds work, do you, 'burbs?"

Alison pushed Beth away from her. "That name is definitely one thing I didn't miss." Alison teased.

"What?" Beth questioned, " 'Burbs? You didn't miss the nickname 'burbs? Why so, 'burbs?"

Alison slapped Beth's shoulder. "That's it, off with you," Alison said, "I hear your secret agent master-lord calling."

Alison cupped her hands and loudly yelled out, "She'll be right th-" Beth cut her off by throwing a hand over her mouth, pressing her back against the tree.

"Are you crazy?" Beth asked, removing her hand.

Their faces were close, noses almost touching. "You'd be surprised how many people think I am," Alison whispered, a hint of seduction in her tone, "I mean, for all I know you are just some figment of my imagination."

"Figment this." Beth said as she kissed Alison. The words were barely audible, Beth's lips mouthing them as they touched against Alison's. When she pulled back, Alison left her eyes closes, lips pursed, unwilling to end the moment.

"A darn good figment." Alison smiled.

Beth placed a hand on Alison's waist, her other arm bracing herself against the tree. Alison pressed forward and embraced Beth, laying her head on Beth's shoulder. The two of them were silent, nothing else to say. They just stood, together. Alison didn't care if they spoke, or if they said anything, she just didn't want to let Beth go. Alison looked out of the patch of trees they were hiding in, out into the gardens. The setting sun cast an orange hue over the natural colors of the arrangements. Alison vowed to never forget this moment.

Alison broke the embrace and looked at her watch. "Shirley Temple's Ghost," She exclaimed, "I'm going to be late for dinner."

Alison started to walk, then turned, torn between her obligations and her heart. "I have to be there," she apologized, "when can I see you again?"

"You remember the pond?" Beth said.

Alison blushed; of course she remembered the pond. She nodded.

"Midnight tomorrow." Beth said.

"Midnight?" Alison pleaded, "I have to see you before that."

Beth laughed. "If you can get away before, I'll find you, but you better be at our pond tomorrow night." Beth demanded.

_Our pond,_ Alison thought_. She calls it 'our pond.'_

Alison waved goodbye to Beth. Not a large wave, but the dainty small waive that consisted of cupping one's fingers to their palm softly. The kind of wave a little girl gives to her first crush. Alison spun around and hastily walked, almost skipping, back to the resort. As she approached the attached restaurant she stopped to take a breath.

"You can keep a secret." She assured herself. "Even if it's the biggest secret of your life."

Alison rolled her eyes at herself and pushed the door open.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4_**

The dining room was beautiful. Chandeliers of crystal hung from the ceiling and the waiters wore black slacks and white button-up shirts. The room as a whole wasn't too large, enough to fit about twenty tables of various sizes. Alison scanned the room to find a large, half full, round table in the back of the restaurant. Alison could make out Felix, Sarah, Cal and Kira sitting on one side, with empty seats adjacent. Cal waved his hand to get her attention and she smiled, walking towards them.

"Auntie Alison!" Kira said, running over and giving her a big hug. Alison smiled. Kira was getting big now at eleven. She insisted she was too old to be a flower girl, but Cosima wrangled her into junior bridesmaid duty. Alison smiled at the memory of Cosima saying that she would not get married without her Monkey by her side.

"Hey, cute girl," Alison said hugging her back, "what have you been up to?"

Kira grabbed her hand and pulled her to the table, forcing her in the seat next to hers, "Dad took me bird watching earlier. We saw a yellow-billed cuckoo, and Dad almost got close enough to touch it!"

Alison paid attention as Kira explained all the nuances of bird watching. She was growing up to be a beautiful young lady. She had her mother's curls, and her fathers cedar streaks of light brown running through her now-darkening hair. She was very well mannered, but the second she got the go-ahead she loved to be outside finding new adventures. Her bold confidence reminded Alison of… Alison cut the thought. She would have to steer her memory away from Beth if she hoped to keep her a secret.

"Kira, Monkey, let Alison talk to the rest of us, honey." Sarah cut in.

"Oh, no," Alison insisted, "she's fine. We don't get to see one another often and I'm delighted to listen."

Cal put his arm around Kira's shoulder and ruffled the back of her hair. Kira shrugged his hand from her hair. Kira was getting to an age where she wasn't a child anymore. A girl like that needed to be independent.

"It was fun, I like this place." Cal cut into Kira's story, "I was telling Sarah that we may have to make it up here again, just the three of us."

"And I told him," Sarah cut in, "I don't do this thing often so he better soak it up."

"You do outdoors plenty," Cal laughed.

"I do outdoors," Sarah responded, "but I bloody don't do _rich-people_ outdoors."

Cal had a laugh at this, one of his deep guttural guffaws that seemed to use every bit of him, while somehow seeming effortless. Alison tilted her head, looking at the two of them. They really were good together. The thought made her curious of Donnie's absence.

"Next time you get my sister here," Felix piped in, "You'll be the one having the wedding." He was thanked for his observation with a hard kick under the table from Sarah.

"Alison!" Felix protested, "Did you see that? She kicked me. Right here, in bloody _rich-people_ outdoors, she kicked me!"

Cal began his signature laugh again as Sarah glared at Felix, "I swear, Fee, if we weren't related I'd-"

"Well technically…" Felix started.

"No, I learned long ago I don't get to pick and choose," Sarah said. "if I say you're not my brother now, then you'll just throw it back in my face when I need you to watch Kira later."

Felix mock-pouted, "But maybe I have plans, you ever think of that?"

"Plans with whom?" Sarah said.

"I don't know, maybe that waiter."

Sarah looked over her shoulder at the waiter. "Oh him? I saw him checking out a little blonde when we walked in. I hate to tell you, Fee, but I don't think he's interested."

"He's not interest now," Felix said, "we'll see if he's interested later."

The conversation was cut off with Donnie's late arrival. He was huffing like a train as he plopped down in a chair next to Alison.

"Oh, Donnie," Alison said under her breath to only him, "did you even bother freshening up before coming?"

Donnie shot an annoyed smile, "I did, but Cosima and Delphine came in right as I was heading here so I helped them with their luggage."

"They're here?" Kira said excited as she sat up in her seat looking around.

"They should be here soon," Donnie said, "they wanted to get a few things settled first."

"So, how's work Donnie?" Cal asked.

Alison cut in, "Let's not talk about work. Boring, boring, boring."

Donnie smiled, "Work is fine, thanks for asking."

Alison was relieved that the conversation was killed by the arrival of the soon-to-be-married lovers. Cosima and Delphine walked into the restaurant and it seemed that all eyes turned to them. They were laughing and beautiful. Alison saw them proudly holding hands and giggling at some inside joke as they approached. A pit rose in Alison's stomach at the thought of being that open with Beth. She brushed it aside for posterity and smiled at the couple.

"Well, look who showed up!" Alison said, standing up and hugging both.

"Yes, finally," Cosima said, "the drive was a lot easier the last time we came up."

"What she is trying to say," Delphine cut in, "is that she got lost."

"No. Delphine got lost, she was the navigator." Cosima said.

"Menteur!" Delphine protested, "You kept telling me you knew the way, I kept telling you we took a wrong turn."

Alison watched the two of them mock-fight as she settled back in her seat.

"We used a GPS. Thankfully Donnie handled all the driving." Alison said.

"I knew the way, the GPS was just a backup." Donnie insisted to Alison's chagrin.

"How is your head?" Delphine asked Alison, "Donnie told us what happened."

"Did he?" Alison asked with a side-glare at Donnie, "I wish he hadn't, it was nothing and I don't want to turn it into a big thing. Just a long drive."

"You gotta get that checked out," Cosima said, "You could have jumbled up everything. Concussions are legit."

Alison forced a smile, "I'm fine, really, let's not worry about me, let's worry about you two. What are your plans for tomorrow?"

Cosima leaned into Delphine's side; Delphine tilted her head to rest on top of Cosima's. "Whew, it'll be a busy one." Delphine said, "We have a meeting with the planner at nine to go over final wedding details."

"Tell her about after," Cosima added.

Delphine gave her a knowing smile, "And then Cosima is treating me to a spa-day."

"Hey now, not just you, I'm there too!" Cosima protested, "They do the massages naked. Now that's my kinda party."

"How... undignified" Alison quipped.

"I don't care about dignified," Cosima said, "we're going to get naked and own this place."

Delphine blushed. "Petit pervertir!"

Cal made a showing of fake-covering Kira's ears. Kira shrugged it off insisting she was old enough to deal with the topic of a naked Cosima. Alison wasn't sure anyone was old enough for that.

"This one," Delphine said motioning to Cosima with a flick of her wrist, "is a trouble maker. I can't take her anywhere."

Alison smiled, half at these two lovebirds, half at memories of similar embarrassing moments with Beth. Beth would find ways to sneak in words or phrases just to frazzle Alison. All because she loved to see Alison turn red and stumble on her words.

"What about you?" Cosima asked Alison.

"I remember a beautiful pond out back from a few years ago that I wanted to check out." Alison said.

"You've been here before?" Delphine asked, surprised.

"What? No, I didn't say that." Alison explained, "It was in a magazine I read. I have a bridal magazine subscription. I remember seeing it." Alison began rubbing her fingers nervously under the table.

"When did we get that subscription?" Donnie asked.

Alison rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about it Donnie," Alison insisted, "you probably just missed it. If it isn't a golf magazine or a swim-suit issue, you don't really pay attention."

Cosima and Delphine shared a glance. "You _would_ read those," Cosima joked. "I'm getting married in two days and I'm still yet to pick one up. I'd like to believe it's because I'm better than that, but I actually think it's because Delphine never puts them down."

Delphine over-acted a gasp and slapped Cosima on the wrist. "You know that we have the old copies you can look through."

Cosima smiled back, "No, I'll keep to my Scientific American. At least in that one I understand the words they are using."

Everyone laughed at that. "Only you, Cosima," Felix said, "would find a science magazine easier to comprehend than a bridal magazine."

"Everything about weddings seems to be in French anyway," Cosima defended, "and as she constantly reminds me, I'm not very good at French."

"Non, she's really not," Delphine smiled.

The night went on much the same. Small-talk turned into mock bickering and laughter. Alison would look around the table and fantasize about doing this more often. She thought about what Beth would add to the dynamic. Would she pester the lovebirds more, or would she cut into the jokes with serious revelations? Alison imagined her in Donnie's place, sliding her hand over Alison's and squeezing softly anytime Cosima and Delphine kissed or made jokes laden with innuendo.

Alison wondered how Kira would treat Beth. She imagined Kira running up and hugging her, dragging her down to a seat, much like she did with Alison. She imagined her rambling on-and-on with details of her out-door adventures. She imagined Kira bouncing between the two of them, one to speak out-doors with, one to speak gowns and fabrics.

Alison could see Beth and Cal sitting on the porch in rocking chairs talking about things Alison couldn't care less about. Alison would sit there, quietly, and listen to every word, watching Cal whittle a stick, or what ever that man did, and Beth would give him advice on shooting a gun.

"You're crying!" Felix unsubtly pointed out.

The entire table looked towards Alison.

"It's nothing," Alison said, "weddings and all that." Alison dismissed as she wiped a tear from below her eye.

"Aw," Delphine said genuinely, "she's so cute."

Alison blushed. "Don't mind the sappy housewife," Alison joked, "just enjoy your food."

Donnie placed a hand on Alison's knee under the table. Alison felt guilty at the annoyance she felt towards him. He really had been good to her the last few years, but with Beth back, it was complicated. Alison loved Donnie. She loved him for being the father of her children and never leaving her when things were hard. However, Alison could never put into words or understand how different her love for Beth was. She hated how wrong she felt for having it, but how right it felt to experience it. The whole thing didn't even feel contradictory to her marriage because the two loves were so completely and utterly different. Alison wasn't mad at Donnie for showing affection. She was frustrated because he wasn't Beth.

The dinner was beautiful, lasting over three hours. Long after the crowds died down and the waitstaff began cleaning tables, the group of them sat around the table joking and telling stories. Eventually, Cal and Sarah excused themselves to put Kira to bed. Cosima and Delphine followed soon after, broadcasting to everyone their intentions for when they got back to the room. Finally, Donnie left to go check a sports score, leaving Felix and Alison alone.

"Spill." Felix demanded.

Alison furrowed her brow, confused.

"Don't give me that look," Felix accused, "You're hiding something."

"I'm fine," Alison insisted, "I just have a lot on my mind today."

"Like how you fainted from road trip exhaustion?" Felix said, "I don't buy that for one minute, Alison."

She blushed. "Felix, don't," she said, "you know I can't keep things from you, don't pry. I don't want to talk about this one."

Felix scooted over to where Kira had been sitting, next to Alison. He placed his hand over hers and smiled. "Now, listen," He said, "I have a straight waiter that I intend to give a crisis of sexuality to, but I'm not leaving until you let me in on your little secret."

Alison sat silently.

"I'm waiting." Felix said.

"I've been here before. Five years ago." Alison said.

"What? You and Donnie?" Felix asked, "NO! You little minx, you were here with someone else!"

"It's not like that!" Alison said. "It wasn't naughty, it wasn't a Norma Desmond kind of thing, I assure you."

"No judgment here," Felix assured, "everyone needs a little Joe in their life. I need about five Joes."

Alison giggled. "It wasn't a Joe, more like a… Betty? God, Felix it's been too long since I've seen Sunset Boulevard to make the proper analogies. It was a woman."

"Well, this is interesting," Felix said, "what was her name. Oh, God, it wasn't Aynsley was it."

"Gross," Alison said, "no, it wasn't Aynsley. Why would you think it would be Aynsley?"

"I don't know," Felix said, "lonely suburban housewives and all."

Alison rolled her eyes. "She wasn't a housewife," Alison took a deep breath, "she was a police officer."

"A cop?" Felix mused. "Angie? No, you didn't know her th-"

Felix was silent but his expression said everything.

Alison squeezed her eyes shut and nodded.

"Clonecest?" Felix whispered before leaning back in his chair, "Alison Hendrix!"

"Don't call it that!" Alison snapped, "It wasn't like that."

"Wait, if that's true," Felix said, "then when she-"

Alison nodded.

"And when Sar-"

Alison nodded.

Felix grabbed her in his arms, a brotherly, loving embrace. "Poor thing," he said, "this has to be torture on you."

"It has," she affirmed, "it has been terrible."

Felix stood up and making a grand-show extended his hand to help Alison up.

"What are we doing," Alison asked, taking his hand.

"Forget waiter-guy, there is an old movie marathon on television, and I know where to find the largest tub of ice-cream."

Alison smiled and laid her head on his shoulder as they walked out of the restaurant, holding hands. She would let Felix play the shining knight today. She was glad she had someone she could talk to about Beth, even if she couldn't tell him that Beth really didn't die five years ago. That Beth was alive. That Beth was probably staying in this very resort. The thought made Alison look up as they walked through the lobby.

_What room are you in_, Alison thought, _and how do I get in?_


	5. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 5_**

Alison sat up abruptly in bed. She looked at the clock, which read 6:32am. Leaning over, she turned off the 8:00am alarm and slipped out of bed. She couldn't sleep anymore. She felt like a child on the morning of her birthday, excited to see the present her parents had for her. Alison made sure to not wake Donnie up as she slipped out of her pajamas and into yoga pants and a long-sleeve blue shirt, finishing the outfit with a puffy white vest. Humming to herself she pulled her hair back, collecting the errant strands that escaped their confines in her sleep the night before into a ponytail. After she tied up her hair, she looked in the mirror. She could see the yellowing bruise on her forehead poking out from beneath her bangs. She stuck her bottom lip out, deflated.

Alison heard a small click from the front door.

She tiptoed over to find a slip of folded paper that had been dispensed beneath the door. She tried to tell herself it was probably some resort advertisement, but she knew the author immediately upon seeing the handwriting.

_A smile from the 'burbs,_

_a wink from the station._

_A flower at the entrance,_

_to further your vacation._

Alison's cheeks burned red. She placed the note to her chest and inhaled a deep breath. Stealing a glance behind her, she slipped the note into her vest pocket. Alison tiptoed back to the vanity and ruffled the front of her bangs. It was futile; there would be no way to hide the wound. Alison didn't care. She swiped her shoes and snuck out the front door.

"Alison!"

She jumped, her heart lodged in her throat. Alison turned around and forced a smile as Sarah walked up.

"Thanks for watching Kira with Fee last night," Sarah said.

"Oh, no problem, no problem." Alison said as she lifted a foot behind her to slip on one of her running shoes.

"You guys were up pretty late," Sarah observed, "I'm surprised to see you out this early."

Alison tried to hide her anxiety, "You know me," she said, "breakfast for the kids, a house to clean, up, up, up." The last 'up' was an octave higher than Alison intended.

Sarah smiled. "Where are you off to?"

"Nowhere," Alison said, "Just figured it was too pretty out, thought I'd get a jog in before all the fog burned away."

"Would you like some company?" Sarah asked.

"No!" Alison said much too quickly. "I mean, no offense Sarah, but I didn't think you were much of the jogging type and I'm horrible company when I run."

Alison cocked a sympathetic, awkward smile as she lifted the other leg and slipped her opposite shoe on.

Sarah caught the hint. "You're probably right. Maybe I'll wake Cal up and force him to go with me to breakfast."

Alison and Sarah said their good-byes as Alison jogged out the front door. Once she was far enough away from the resort she turned around to make sure no one was watching. She hoped she didn't come off as rude to Sarah. She actually would have loved to spend some time with her, but Alison's mind was on one thing this morning.

_A flower at the entrance,_

_to further your vacation._

It wasn't the most cryptic note she'd ever gotten from Beth. Alison remembered one she received in the mail that she had to look up the references online before she knew what the heck Beth was trying to tell her. It didn't matter; Donnie would have thought it was some fancy turn-down service memo. Alison arrived at the entrance of the drive and found a lily on the top of the sign. She scooped it up looking around.

"Where are you, Beth?" Alison whispered to herself. She began to wonder if she came too early, if Beth hadn't expected her till later. She really didn't want to sit on the ground waiting. Alison began to wonder if she should do a lap and then come back.

"Early morning?" Beth's voice came from behind.

Alison turned around and smiled. Not a small, dainty smile, but one of those large smiles that wrinkles up your face.

"Beth." Alison slipped out with a sigh of relief.

Beth walked up slowly, stepping within Alison's personal bubble and standing barely a foot away.

"Hi." Alison said softly.

Beth smiled. "Hey."

Alison's eyes dodged from Beth's eyes to her lips and back again, unsure of what to do. She wanted to say something clever but her mind couldn't get off of one topic, one action, one-

Beth kissed her. The touch was foreign and subtle. She didn't slam in with a hard desire like a man would, no, Beth pressed her lips against Alison's with a soft, building pressure. The kiss simultaneously lasted forever, and not near long enough.

Beth pulled back. "Miss me?" Beth said.

"You're all that's been on my mind the last five years." Alison said.

"I'm sorry." Beth said.

"Don't be," Alison insisted, "or do, but I don't want to talk about it. I'm over the anger. I just want to savor this. I sat at dinner last night, with people I've spent more time with the last five years than I ever did you, and all I could think about was how much I wanted you there."

Beth smiled.

"Doilies Beth," Alison said, "I forgot how ridiculous this all was."

Beth laughed, "Need I remind you, that you came on to me first?"

"I did not," Alison said before pausing to think, "did I?"

"Well, I should say the wine came on to me." Beth laughed. "You just happened to be the container for the wine."

"I wasn't _that_ bad." Alison declared.

"Officer Beth," Beth said in a mock-Alison voice, "have you ever strip-searched anyone before?"

"I did not!" Alison cut in.

"Oh, you did," Beth protested, "and I almost gave in to your charm but after a few failed passes at me, you passed out in my lap. I looked at you there, asleep, and I realized that if you were sober I would have accepted those passes. I remember sliding a pillow under your head and wrapping you in a blanket. I remember looking at you as I turned off the light and headed out to my car. I remember thinking of you the entire drive back to the city."

"You never told me this story," Alison said.

Beth looked at her feet, somber, "I didn't get to tell you a lot of things that I wanted to."

An awkward silence hung in the air. Alison leaned against the entrance sign and Beth continued to be lost in thought. After a while the two of them slipped behind the sign and sat on the ground, backs to the wood. They talked about their past, and Beth asked questions about Sarah. Alison explained how easy it was to fool Art, which Beth laughed at. Then Alison began to describe Kira. Beth was attentive and listened to every word. Alison smiled at her enthusiasm.

_Kira would love her_, Alison thought. For some reason that held weight with Alison.

"And Felix!" Alison exclaimed, "He has been the best friend I could ever hope for. Oh, I can't even begin to explain him to you. He's like a male version of me, but he has confidence where I have paranoia, and he pretends he doesn't care but no one has cared about me the way he has."

"Sounds like he's really been there for you." Beth said.

Alison couldn't understand why she was getting emotional. "He's been there when I needed you." She said. "I really don't mean that to be cold, but I kind of went all Rocky Horror after you died. Felix showed up one day and never left my side."

Beth turned to Alison and placed her hand on Alison's cheek. Alison reflexively moved her own hand on top of Beth's. "I love you," Beth said finally. "I was in a rough place back then, and I handled it poorly. I got too hooked on medications and I fell into a depression from all the drastic change in my life. You kept me from the edge Alison. If it wasn't for you I would have jumped sooner."

"Except for you didn't jump at all." Alison said.

Beth smiled. "I mean figuratively." Beth said. "Just because I'm here now, doesn't mean I wasn't going through very real depression then. I can't imagine making it through that without you. I hate myself every day for not being able to tell you. I was selfish. I couldn't bare to see your face when I said goodbye."

Alison shook her head. "We're not talking about this Beth. You're alive, you're here now and I don't want to get wrapped up in the pas-"

Alison's phone rang.

Pulling it out, she looked at the clock. "It's already nine-fifteen?" Alison exclaimed. "I'm late."

Alison bolted up from the ground and wiped the dirt from her rear. "I'm sorry," Alison said, "I have to-"

"Go." Beth said with a smile.

Alison took off in a jog towards the resort before realizing she hadn't kissed Beth goodbye. She turned around with a smile but saw that Beth had already left.

"I love that girl." Alison whispered to herself as she ran through the large red door.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Donnie asked.

"I went for a run." Alison said noticing Sarah's gaze. Alison's heart picked up pace. She had been gone almost three hours. Alison was in shape, but even she didn't run that much, and on top of that, she barely had any perspiration. Alison felt the noose of her lie tightening around her neck.

"Well you owe me twenty minutes of my life back." Felix said.

"Don't worry," Cal cut in, "from what I know of Alison, she'll end up out-doing us all with this."

Alison felt a little conceited to admit that he was probably right. The group of them had all planned to meet in the venue to work on the wedding arch. It was Alison's idea to begin with. The arch was made of twisted wood, curling in on itself. The whole thing was gorgeous but much too rustic for the union of two beautiful ladies. Alison had wanted to get up at five in the morning the next day and weave living flowers throughout the entire thing. The rest of the group had declined, and Alison was forced to settle with fake flowers.

This was her event, and she showed up twenty minutes late. Alison was horribly embarrassed with herself at her tardiness.

"Auntie Alison!" Kira said. "They let me do the front!"

Alison's heart jumped before Cal placed a hand on her shoulder and leaned in. "The two sides are identical," he whispered in her ear, "we'll make sure Kira's work is in the back." Alison immediately calmed.

"Thank you," she whispered back before heading over to Kira.

The group had been weaving the faux-flowers throughout the arch. The concept had been to fade the arch from a deep purple, through an indigo and ending on the other side in bright emeralds. Felix had fought to fade through all of the colors of the rainbow but Alison had felt the whole rainbow-gimmick would take away from the individual importance of their union. Alison demanded that the more-subtle three-color fade would be much better suited for them.

Looking over the arch, Alison was surprised to learn that the entire thing hadn't been botched in her absence. Kira was working on the back of the green-side, and Sarah and Donnie were handling the purple. Felix was balancing on a ladder in the middle weaving in the blue flowers.

"It's beautiful." Alison said to Kira. "You are a natural at this!"

Kira smiled up at her while she continued working. Alison slid down on her knees, grabbing a hand full of greenery.

"Did you fall asleep at Felix's?" Donnie asked.

"No," Alison said, "I just came in at about two."

"I didn't notice you at all," Donnie continued, "I woke up around seven and you had already left."

"Couldn't sleep." Alison said absently, "the beds, you know."

"I love the beds here," Cal interjected. "I can't remember the last time I slept on something without a spring poking my back."

"I'm with Alison," Felix cut in, standing precariously on one foot atop the ladder, "the beds are absolutely atrocious." He shot Alison a wink.

Alison gave him a small nod of gratitude.

"Well," Donnie began, "maybe tonight we can get some alone-time. If you know what I mean."

"Donnie!" Alison said, motioning to Kira, "would you mind not making me out as some harlot in front of our friends?"

"What," Donnie asked incredulous, "we're married. It's what married people do."

"And many not-married people," Cal added quietly to a slap from Sarah.

"We may very well be married," Alison said, "but we don't have to broadcast it to the world. Really, Donnie."

Felix again saved the day. "Well. I'd take some _alone-time_ with an abbot right about now."

Alison stifled a giggle. Cal let his out in the form of a boisterous laugh. The morning went by with much the same banter. The arch took a few hours and after they finished they met Cosima and Delphine for a nice lunch. The entire time, Alison kept playing Beth's kiss over in her head. She would have to find a way to end Donnie's fantasies if she was going to be able to meet Beth at the pond tonight. How did Beth phrase it? _Our pond._ The words made Alison smile to herself. Just a few more hours, and a couple more obligations and she could finally have her first date with Beth in five years.

Alison was hit with a terrifying realization. She had no idea what she was going to _wear_.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6_**

Felix looked at his watch. It was half-passed seven. Nervous, he looked back to the door. Nothing. Alison was late, again. He knew she had been going through a lot, but it wasn't like her to miss important events. This wasn't just some small-time preparation get-together, this was the rehearsal.

In the front of the room stood Delphine, wearing a black skirt and a white blouse over a black bra. Her blond hair had been thrown effortlessly to one side and she was laughing. Felix smiled. He never would admit it aloud, but he had grown fond of Delphine over the years. He'd grown to enjoy her bold, act-before-thinking attitude, her unwavering loyalty, and the way she could pull off outfits other women couldn't. Across from her, in front of the arch, was little Monkey. Cosima had tied ribbons in Kira's hair to mock-dreads and put her in a little white dress. Tears of laughter fell from Cosima's eyes as she watched Delphine rehearsing the wedding festivities with Kira in Cosima's place. Felix found the whole charade to be ridiculous.

"Stop, hold on," Cosima said, placing her glasses on Kira, "there, that's it. I just want this to feel as authentic as possible, Delphine."

All in attendance were laughing at the farce. Delphine was bright red with laughter and could barely get through the shortened vows.

Felix looked at his nails. They had grime in them. Not the old-paint kind of grime he wore as a badge of honor, but real, actual dirt. He brushed off his pants and throwing an arm on the chair next to him, flipped his hair.

Donnie turned around nervously. Felix shot him a sympathetic look. This wasn't going to go over well. There was only so much Felix could do for Alison.

"You're on your own girl," he whispered to himself.

"Delphine," Kira said at the front of the room, "We're gonna get married and kiss and have babies and stuff. I promise to be a good science-wife and if you wash my dreads I'll wash your feet." The room exploded in more laughter. Delphine wiped a tear from her face.

"Oh, Cosima," Delphine said, "I don't know how you're going to top this one. She is a very good bride."

Cosima shrugged. "I don't know either," She said, "guess you'll just have to marry her."

"What do you say?" Delphine asked Kira.

"Uhh," Kira stuttered, "I think Auntie Cosima would kill me."

Cosima burst out laughing. "That I would, little Monkey, that I would."

Delphine shot Cosima a wink. They did look adorable together, but the whole monogamy of it all made Felix queasy.

The door burst open.

Everyone turned around to see Alison. "Oh," Alison said, "sorry, I..I.."

Felix motioned Alison over. She slipped into the seat next to him. Cosima flashed a sympathetic smile. Delphine looked slightly annoyed.

"Where were we?" Cosima said. Kira and Delphine made a show of exchanging rings. Kira seemed quite impressed with her ring-pop.

"Where have you been?" Felix whispered to Alison.

"Don't worry about it." Alison said.

"I kind of need to, sweetie," Felix said, "you're never late, and all of a sudden you're never on time."

"Let's focus on the rehearsal." Alison said curtly.

"Alison, people are talking." Felix whispered. "have you been drinking?"

"Felix!" Alison cut back in a hushed yell. Cal and Sarah turned around. Alison brushed them off with a smile. Felix rolled his eyes.

"I'm just saying, Alison, you keep disappearing," Felix said, "either you're drinking or you're getting high and worst of all, you're not inviting me and I'm hurt."

"Oh, Felix," Alison whispered, "it isn't that. I just have had horrible migraines"

Felix sat quietly. He worried about Alison, and he saw right through her lie. Alison wasn't in her room, Donnie never could find her, and Felix hadn't been able to find her anywhere. She was disappearing somewhere and it had nothing to do with a migraine. Felix hoped she wasn't off crying. He knew she needed time, but it wasn't like Alison to handle pain alone. Felix hated to admit it, but he was kind of hurt that she hadn't come to him. He flipped her ponytail with his hand absently.

"Stop." Alison said.

"Alison," Felix whined, "don't be a hard-ass."

"I'm not being a hard-butt," Alison corrected, "I just need some time to myself is all."

"I understand," Felix lied, "But do try to be fashionably late next time instead of _late_-late."

The rehearsal continued, and afterwards everyone gathered for dinner. No matter how much Felix tried to pry, Alison was zipped tight. He spent the latter half of dinner pouting. He knew he was being dramatic, but something was definitely going on, and frankly he wasn't used to being ignored by Alison. He was glad to learn he wasn't the only one. Alison seemed to zone-out most of the meal, paying little attention to anyone, least-of-all Donnie. Felix wondered if they had gotten in a fight. Perhaps Donnie unknowingly said something that reminded Alison of Beth. It would explain why she didn't want to be around him. Donnie really couldn't stop himself from being stupid.

As the dinner came to a close Felix tried to corner Alison again, but she quickly excused herself to her room. Fine, if Alison was going to be a little brat, he was going to find his own fun. Felix eyed the cute waiter from the other night cleaning a table.

* * *

Alison was glad when she got out of her obligations. Her heart picked up as she rushed back to her room. She had convinced Donnie to stay and bore Cal with stories of his job. It was already almost ten-thirty and Alison didn't want to be late to Beth and her date.

She slipped on a teal button-up blouse and turned to see her profile in the mirror. Alison brushed the front of her blouse out and looking around her, despite the room being empty, pushed her boobs up some more. She blushed at the thought of being concerned how her chest looked. She couldn't remember the last time she cared about that with Donnie. Alison took out a modest pencil skirt, ending just below the knee, and tried it on.

"This won't do." Alison said to her self.

Ditching the skirt, she slipped into a tight pair of black slacks.

"Hello, my name is Alison, I'll be your realtor for the evening." Alison said, disgusted.

She ripped the blouse off, but not before getting her head stuck and tripping. She fell onto the bed and yanked it off throwing the blouse across the room in frustration. Sitting on the bed, she felt deflated.

_Utilitarian, yet fashionable_, she thought to herself. She quickly pulled a tight baby-blue scoop-neck shirt from her bag and slipped it on. She grabbed a tight pair of jeans. Then, raiding her wedding attire, she took the decorative white belt from her dress and slipped it in the belt loops of the jeans. Contemplating a final piece, she slipped on her pearls and her nicest flats she brought. She thought about raising the bar with heels, but figured that they weren't appropriate for a pond-side date.

Satisfied, she sprayed a mist of perfume on her wrist and admired herself in front of the mirror.

Alison snuck out the door, making sure no one would surprise her. Then, she slipped out the closer front door to the resort before turning and working her way around the building from the outside. Rounding the side, she followed the familiar path into the flower garden. She picked a White Trillium, knowing full well it wasn't allowed, and held it close to her chest. As she cleared the garden, she continued along the path into the darkness. Beautiful aspens lined the walkway, blocking out most of the large moon. Alison hadn't brought a light so she had to walk the rest of the way blind and cautious. Finally, after about five minutes of walking she reached the clearing. The moon shone beautifully, adding a light blue hue to the pond.

Alison stopped upon seeing the water. It was the first time in five years she had been back to this place. The gravity of this location, this moment, weighed down on her. Suddenly, Alison became very aware of her surroundings. An owl hooted in the distance and a cold breeze blew across the pond meeting Alison. She stood; arms wrapped around herself, remembering the warmer afternoon from the last time she was here.

* * *

"Are you going to sit down, or just stand there all day?" Beth said from the ground, hand blocking the sun from her eyes.

"I was just enjoying the view," Alison said, "plus, these pants are new."

Beth laughed, "I'll buy you some new ones, sit down."

The afternoon sun was warm on their skin. It was an unusually warm day for early October. Not quite hot, but warm enough to negate a jacket.

Alison gave in to Beth and sat down next to her. They had spent a delightful weekend together, away from the kids, away from Donnie, away from all the stresses. Beth insisted on spending the afternoon by the lake before leaving. Alison obliged, not wishing the weekend to end.

Beth looked out across the pond. A family of ducks swam on the far side. The color-tinged leaves of the trees floated from the limbs and landed upon the pond's placid surface. Beth looked contemplative.

"I like this," Beth said suddenly, "I like just sitting here."

"I could sit anywhere with you." Alison agreed.

"Oh don't get sappy on me, Ali." Beth laughed.

"No, Beth," Alison said, "seriously, look at me."

Beth turned to stare in Alison's eyes. The look almost stole the words that Alison had been sitting on.

"I'm looking," Beth said.

"I know," Alison replied, "I just wanted to say, I just…"

Beth changed expression, leaning in. "What's up? Is everything ok?"

Alison lost her nerve and looked down. "Nothing." She lied.

"Hey," Beth said pulling Alison's chin to look at her, "what's wrong? You can talk to me."

"I just don't want to leave yet," Alison said, "I don't know what I'll do when I get home. How can I face Donnie and pretend everything is fine?"

Beth exhaled. "You're not alone," Beth said, "I've got to figure out Paul. He's been acting strange to begin with. I just have a weird feeling with him. It's been nice to take some time away from him."

"It's been nice to take some time away with you." Alison said.

Beth turned and smiled. Then she leaned in and kissed Alison's lips. Alison lost all train of thought. Her hand rose to Beth's face. Holding her, Alison parted her lips, in an out-of-character act of ambition, and passed her tongue through Beth's lips. The act seemed to work as Beth pushed into her. Falling back onto the ground, Beth slid on top of Alison and kissed her deep. Beth slid her hand down Alison's side and slipped her thumb under Alison's waistband wrapping the side of her panties around the thumb. Alison responded by raising her thigh slowly between Beth's legs. The embrace pushed Beth to kiss in a downward arc as she placed a hand by Alison's head to balance herself.

Alison smiled, mid-kiss and rolled Beth over. However, as they rolled, Alison's hair got caught in Beth's mouth. The two of them started giggling, foreheads touching. Alison rolled off to the side. The two of them breathed heavily, calming down from their passionate kiss. Beth looked around checking to make sure they were still alone. Then she leaned over Alison to begin again.

"Beth." Alison whispered.

"Yeah 'burbs." Beth teased while hovering inches from Alison's face.

Alison looked straight into Beth's eyes, serious, determined. She softly licked her lips. Beth returned the look by biting the bottom of hers. The distance between them seemed to have a gravity of it's own, pulling them closer. Alison opened her mouth, Beth lightly touching her bottom lip with her own top lip.

Alison whispered in a quiet, almost inaudible volume. "I love you, Beth."

Beth leaned back to the side, resting her weight on one arm. She ran her freehand through her hair, pulling it out of her face. Alison sat frozen, frightened. The silence seemed never ending.

"Good." Beth said.

Alison's heart began to drop.

"Because I've been unsure how to tell you the last month how I feel, and here you go beating me to it." Beth said.

Alison smiled. "So.."

"I love you too, 'burbs" Beth said.

"Now why'd you have to go and ruin it?" Alison joked, pushing Beth back against the ground.

"I didn't ruin it," Beth protested with a mischievous smile, "I made it better."

Alison rolled her eyes. "I take it back, I take it all back."

Beth fell on her back laughing. Alison smiled looking at her, feeling a weight lifted.

* * *

Alison found the exact spot where they laid and sat down. Alone, she looked around. She tried to look at her watch under the moonlight but couldn't quite make out the time to know if she was early or Beth was late.

"I figured this is where you'd sit." Beth said as she walked up.

Alison looked up at her, the blue light cascading on her side, framing her face. Alison couldn't make out all of her features, but she knew how beautiful she was. Alison rose from her seat, brushing the dirt from her pants.

"Of all the memories that haunt me, it's this one I can't forget." Alison said. "It's this one I never want to forget."

Beth walked up close and greeted Alison with a kiss. "Good." Beth said.

Alison smiled back, slipping the White Trillium in Beth's hair. "How are you this evening?"

"I'm ok, I've missed you." Beth said.

"I have counted down the hours till tonight," Alison said, "though, things would be easier if you'd just let me know your room number."

"Now where's the fun in that?" Beth said, "If I'm not mysterious, you might lose interest."

Alison laughed. "You show up after five years and hook me right in. I think you've got my interest."

Beth turned and slipped an arm around Alison's waist. Alison laid her head on Beth's shoulder.

"When are you leaving?" Alison said suddenly.

"What," Beth asked, "where did that come from?"

"I know you have to, and tomorrow is my last day here. Are you leaving before me, or later?"

Beth kissed Alison's forehead. "I'm here as long as you're here."

"And then what?" Alison asked.

"And then," Beth thought, "And then I… I dunno, Ali."

"There is no way for you to stay?" Alison asked.

"You have no idea how much I wish there was."

Alison looked down, eyes watering. "I love you, Beth," she said to the ground.

"I know." Beth looked off towards the moon. Alison glimpsed up and saw Beth's eyes watering as well.

"You were my one love, Alison." Beth said. "You were and will always be the only thing that mattered, that has mattered in my life."

Alison kissed Beth on the cheek. "No matter what, we'll always have _our pond_." Alison said.

"If I could wrap this pond up and give it to you I would." Beth smiled.

Alison filled with hope. "Maybe we can meet again? Maybe I can sneak away, and you can sneak away. Maybe we can live our lives, day-to-day and meet here, once a year, once every two years. I can wait, and we can spend one weekend together, just like that one time. Maybe it can be our thing."

"Alison." Beth said.

"I know your work is important," Alison said, "but maybe, maybe we can make it work. This thing we have, Beth, it's a crazy once-in-a-lifetime love. We don't have to be one of those grow-old and die together couples, but maybe we can just have weekends, or something. Maybe we can just have one ounce of each other's lives. I promise you, Beth, all I'm asking for is the smallest sliver. Let me share one weekend every few years with you. It's all I ask, it's all I need."

Beth slipped her fingers into the front of Alison's belt and pulled her close. "Maybe," Beth whispered, "maybe it could work."

"You could send me riddles, weeks in advance." Alison continued, "You'd make them extremely difficult. I'd spend days at the library trying to understand them. And then I'd find out when, and what room and we'd meet here, and I'd have solved your detective's puzzle."

Beth tightened her grip on Alison's belt, slipping her fingertips into the front of Alison's pants as she pulled her inches away.

"You'd greet me, and we'd lay together, alone." Alison said, "We'd talk for hours the first night, not leaving the room. I'd tell you all that had happened in my life, and you'd tell me very cryptic hints at whatever you're working on."

"Uh-huh?" Beth encouraged, goofy smile across her face.

"Then we'd come out here, and make sure the place was completely empty." Alison continued.

"Oh yeah?" Beth said, tilting her head slowly towards Alison's lips.

"And we'd fuck." Alison said.

Beth fell back aghast. "We'd what?"

Alison giggled. "What? You think I don't know the words just because I refuse to say them?"

"No but I…" Beth trailed off.

"I can be crass too, Beth Childs." Alison suddenly grabbed the front of Beth's jeans and pulled her in for a long, deep, passionate kiss.

The two of them talked for hours, the moon slowly moving with the earth's rotation overhead. They began standing, before sitting down, and finally ending on their backs, gazing up at the stars. Their hands interlocked, for hours. By the time Alison began to drift off, it was deep into the night, just before the sun would rise. Beth leaned over and kissed Alison's forehead.

"Hey," Beth said, "It's time to go. You have a wedding to help with and it's way too late."

Alison mumbled some words followed by, "I don't want to go yet."

Beth smiled and kissed her forehead again. Then she stood, lifting Alison to her feet. The two of them walked back to the resort hand-in-hand. Alison felt full, felt satiated.

"I'm so glad I was able to come back." Beth said as they walked, "even an hour with you would have been worth it, but I feel like this entire weekend has been ours. It's more than I could have ever hoped for, Alison."

Alison smiled, "Me too, Beth, thank you."

Once they got to the garden and the light began to reveal their secrecy, Alison kissed Beth and wished her goodnight. As Alison parted, walking up the steps, she ran the entire evening through her head. It was perfect, every second. Alison had not felt this way, well, ever. What she just shared with Beth was a moment that they had never had before. Alison had known her heart was Beth's, but tonight, she learned it never could be anyone else's.

Alison remembered the look on Beth's face of sheer shock. She giggled as she unlocked the door. She was surprised to see a light on. She walked in to see Donnie sitting in a chair. He had dark bags under his eyes. His cheeks glistened of angry perspiration.

"Donnie." Alison said.

"We need to talk," Donnie responded, "now."


	7. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7_**

Alison stood, afraid to move. Everything about tonight was perfect. Even in the face of Donnie's rare bout of rage, Alison couldn't focus on the person in front of her. The pond, Beth's smile, their fingers interlocked. Alison fought the smile from her face, fought the happiness.

"Where have you been?" Donnie asked.

Alison played with the buckle of her belt. She couldn't focus, couldn't think of an excuse, a valid answer.

"Alison, it's four in the morning," Donnie said, checking the clock over his shoulder, "no, sorry, four-thirty!"

"Donnie," Alison said, "I was at Felix's, just like la-"

"I've already checked there," Donnie cut her off, "stop lying to me Alison."

"Things have been crazy, Donnie. I'm sorry, I just-"

"You've been completely absent," Donnie said, "You have been missing your friend's events, and you've completely forgotten that this was supposed to be a bonding weekend for us."

"What do you want me to say, Donnie?"

"I want to know where you've been. You've been acting weird since we got here." Donnie insisted.

Alison scratched to top of her head, avoiding eye contact.

Donnie slipped in, grabbing Alison's hand. "Alison, I'm here for you," he said, "you can tell me what's going on." Alison yanked her hand away.

"I don't know, Donnie," she said. Alison walked away from him facing the wall, trying desperately to find an excuse to get him off of her case. There was no explanation, she hadn't been careful enough. What was she supposed to tell him, that her girlfriend suddenly rose from the dead and she's been a little preoccupied? Her heart pressed against her ribs, looking to escape.

"You've been drinking." Donnie accused.

"Drinking?"-Alison spun around-"What kind of accusation is that?"

The heat flushed into Alison's cheeks. "You want to talk to me about my issues, Donnie?" Alison continued, "You want to throw something like that at me? You saw how hard I fought to break that, how hard I fought for our family. Do I smell like alcohol to you? No. But you wouldn't care to try that would you?"

Donnie backed away, "Hey, you're the one com-"

"I'm the one who does everything," Alison said, "I wash the clothes, I cook the meals. You have done better the last few years, you have tried, but you have hardly pitched in. I gave you slack, Donnie, I told myself you trying was enough."

"Ali-"

"I'm not done, Donnie." Alison cut him off, "I have never once asked this to be an egalitarian marriage. I have played the suburban housewife. I have publicly laughed at your terrible jokes, I have let myself be guided around on your arm, I have let you show me off. You may think this weekend was all about you getting a little hoo-hoo, and that doesn't surprise me, because that's all you think about. This weekend is about a vacation, and as much as you think a vacation from the house and the kids is what I was looking for, I was looking for a vacation from you."

The words bit harder than Alison intended. Donnie slid back into his chair. Alison wasn't sure where this confidence was coming from. The heat began to recede from her face and chest. It was replaced with an exhaustion and weakness in her legs.

"Go." Donnie said.

"What?"

"You want a vacation from me?" Donnie said, "Go."

He had a mixed look of hurt, defeat and anger. Alison lost her nerve. She took it too far, she slammed into him too hard. She crossed a line, but she couldn't go back, she couldn't take back the words she spit like fire, and she wasn't sure she wanted to. Alison backed away and turned around. As she opened the door she looked over her shoulder to see Donnie in the same place, eyes fixated on nothing, lost in thought.

Alison regretted what she said, even though she knew the words were truth.

* * *

Bam. Bam. Bam.

Felix rolled over in bed. He pulled the blanket over his head, hiding from the world.

Bam. Bam. Bam.

He slid the blanket down, squinting his eyes. A very soft blue hue cascaded through the window. Felix couldn't tell if it was still the middle of the night, or the sun was just peaking in. He didn't care; both meant he still had hours to sleep.

Bam. Bam. Bam.

"Oi, who the hell you think you are?" Felix fell out of bed. Half of the bed sheets fell with him. He pushed himself up on his knees before wobbling to a stand.

Bam. Bam. Bam.

Felix stumbled through the room. The corner of the wall greeted his shoulder.

"Shi-" Felix cursed.

"Felix?" Alison whined through the door.

"Hold on," Felix said, delirious. He unlocked the door and swung it open.

"Felix, I-" Alison said. She cut off as she looked down. Felix raised an eyebrow.

"Felix!" Alison said in a hushed yell, "You're naked!" She averted her eyes, trying to block the view with her hands.

"Come in," Felix motioned her in, "you wake me up at sleepsies time, you get the full Fee." Felix walked back through the room before grabbing a shirt and tying it around his waist, covering his front.

"Felix," Alison said through a shaky voice.

For the first time, Felix noticed Alison had been crying. Her bottom lip was jutted out, her shoulders hunched forward. Her bangs were unkempt, revealing the healing bruise on her forehead in all its glory.

"Hey, hey, Streisand," Felix said, finally alert, "what's wrong?"

"I screwed it all up." Alison pouted.

"Oh, Alison," Felix assured, "I'm sure you didn't screw anything up."

"Donnie kicked me out."

"Ok," Felix said, "maybe you screwed it up a teensy bit." He patted to the left of him on the bed. Alison cautiously walked over and sat on the corner of the bed.

"What happened?" Felix asked.

Alison paused. Felix inspected the argument she was fighting in her own head. He could tell something was bothering her. He could tell all day.

"It's Beth." Felix assumed.

"Yes!"-she threw her hands in the air-"It's Beth. It's me. It's Beth and me."

Alison stood up, pacing. "I was happy, but I messed it all up, and I can't even keep it. I can't keep any darn part of it. No, no, no, not me, never me."

Felix yawned, confused. Alison continued to ramble. "I give all of myself to other people, I give and I give and I give,"-she turned to Felix-"I give!"

"Alison, you're giving me crows-feet." Felix said.

She sat back down on the corner of his bed and looked off into the darkness. Felix waited quietly for her to form her thoughts.

Alison turned to face Felix. "Have you ever loved someone so much you felt like a different person when you're with them? Where you felt like the person you hoped you could be?"

"I don't buy into love," Felix said.

"Bullhonky," Alison said, "Fee, look at me."-she grabbed his chin and forced him to stare in her eyes-"Have you ever felt like all of your flaws disappeared around one person? Have you ever felt like, the things you hate most about yourself only disappeared in their presence?"

"Alison, what's going on?"

Alison looked in his eyes, not breaking contact, jaw set. They sat in silence, Felix refusing to look away in fear of being slapped.

"I love Beth."

"We had this conversation, Alison, I know you loved Beth." Felix said.

"No," Alison said, "I didn't say loved, I said love."

Felix furrowed his brow, cocking an inquisitive look at Alison.

"Alison, sweetie, it's late," Felix complained, "I need you to speak clearer."

Alison sighed, annoyed. Felix was beginning to understand her annoyance.

"Beth is alive, Felix"

Felix removed Alison's hand from his chin. He looked at her; trying to figure out what hidden meaning she might be trying to say. Was it a metaphor? Was she saying Beth was alive within her? Beth's memory would never die?

"How is-"

"I don't know, Felix," Alison cut him off, "But she's alive, and she's just as perfect as I remember her. Oh, Felix, she took me on a date tonight. We sat under the moonlight by the pond and she held my hand. Felix she kissed me, and not just romantically, she kissed me like she wanted me. You know Fee, like…"-Alison lowered her voice to a hushed whisper-"…like sexually"

"Ew!" Felix said with a scrunched face.

"I don't care, Felix." Alison said, "It was, it was just as I remembered, just as I, fantasized..."

"Alison," Felix cut in, "as much as I'd love to hear 'Suburban Police Sexcapades 2: Double the Lesbian' I would much rather you kept this PG-13."

Alison fell back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "I love her, Felix." Alison said.

"What about big ol' Donnie? You know, wedding-ring Donnie."

"I don't know, Felix," Alison said, "but I was scared to come out about my feelings last time and I lost Beth. I won't make that mistake. She said her work will make it hard, but I don't know. If she'll have me, I'd do anything she asked. Felix, I have a chance"-she sat back up-"I have a chance for this to work."

Felix looked at her. The smile on her face lifted her cheeks higher than he'd ever seen them. Her eyes needed to be consciously forced open. She glowed. She glowed in a way that the room seemed to illuminate from her mood. Felix couldn't understand the look on her face, couldn't understand this foreign emotion she exuded. He knew he didn't have to. The fact that he had never seen this look, this emotion was enough.

"Go for it." Felix said.

"What?" Alison asked, "Aren't you going to tell me I'm throwing everything away? Aren't you going to tell me I'm being dramatic and selfish? Aren't you going to tell me that I'm being silly?"

"No," Felix said, "you are happier in this moment than any moment in the last five years. Alison, you are one of the most giving people I've ever met. You've cleaned, you've cooked, you've loved and you've never asked for anything in return. You build others up and let them continue to call you dramatic and self-centered, all because you don't expect anything from anyone. It's time you were a risky-missy and went out and grabbed what you wanted."

Alison's eyes filled with tears but her smile never wavered. "You think of me that way?" she asked.

"Yes," Felix said, "and that thing you said about our flaws disappearing around one person and something, something, ramble, ramble?"

Alison nodded.

"You're that for me."

Alison let a tear drop from her eye and grabbed Felix pulling him into a tight embrace. "Oh, Felix, that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I don't know what to-"

"Alison," Felix cut in, "I hate to ruin our moment, but I'm not the most clothed right now."

"Oh! Ew!" Alison let him go and wiped her hands on his bed sheets with an apologetic smile.

Felix shot her a look of mock-judgment before cocking one of his trademark loveable smiles.

"I want you to meet her," Alison said, "I don't care what she said, I don't care about keeping it a secret. You're my best friend, Felix, I want you to meet my girlfriend."

Felix lifted an eyebrow at the title, but said nothing. "I would be honored," he said, "if anything, just so I can figure out whose body I identified at the morgue."

Alison laughed, "You most likely won't get an answer," she said, "she's a…"-Alison dropped to a whisper-"…top-secret detective or something."

"Ah, good," Felix said, "because I have a history getting along smashing with plain-jane cops, let alone super-secret, special cops."

Alison squealed, "Oh, Felix, she's going to love you!"


	8. Chapter 8

**_Chapter 8_**

The sun sat low in the sky, marking early morning. The entire resort was in a bustle preparing for Cosima and Delphine's wedding. People walked through the lobby holding flowers; a frazzled wedding planner sat in the middle of it all, looking lost. Alison held Felix's hand as she bolted through the lobby. Neither of them went back to sleep after their talk. It ended with the sun already rising so they each took turns showering instead of sleeping.

Alison had slipped into her room while Donnie slept and took her dress and supplies. Felix helped her get ready, dressing for the wedding early to look her best for her meeting with Beth. She had a salmon dress with a square neckline, the white belt from the night before accenting the waist. Her hair was up in an almost hair-bow type bun. She wore two-inch white heels to match her belt. Nervousness crept into her chest and she dragged Felix behind her. Why was she pulling him when he wasn't the one wearing heels?

Beth had told her last night where she'd be this morning for a rendezvous. Alison hoped she would be forgiven for breaking the secret. Beth was important to her, but so was Felix and Alison couldn't imagine the two of them never talking. She wasn't sure that her ambitions for their relationship would pan out, and if this was the last time she was able to see Beth, she wanted to make sure she got to introduce her to Felix.

The duo slipped down a side hallway to the spa area of the resort. Alison knew that any massage sessions wouldn't be starting until at least ten, and Beth had suggested they meet in their old room to have some much-needed privacy. Alison counted the room numbers, 101, 102, 103. There, Room 104. Alison looked around before checking the doorknob. Unlocked. She let out a sigh of relief.

"Let me go in first," Alison whispered to Felix, "I don't want to completely spring this on her."

Felix nodded.

Alison slowly opened the door and slipped in, closing it behind her.

Beth sat on the massage table. She wore a grey sweater-dress that ended right above her knees, and black heels. Alison was taken aback by how beautiful she was. The entire weekend she had worn more utilitarian outfits; to see her in a dress and heels was a shock. Alison was also surprised by how much it made her desire Beth. She smiled.

"Hey you," Beth said before slipping off the table and walking over.

Alison placed a hand on Beth's waist and gave her a small kiss, preserving her lipstick.

"You are gorgeous," Beth said, "I forgot how nicely you clean up."

Alison blushed. "I was just about to tell you the same thing."

"So," Beth said stepping closer, "what would you like to do,"-Beth ran her hand down Alison's side-"while we have this time together?"

Alison blushed. "Well," she said, "I kind of have a surprise."

Beth grinned. "Oh, I like surprises."

"Good," Alison said, backing up, "because I know you said that you wanted to keep this all a secret but, I couldn't help myself. He's very important to me."

Beth's smile dropped, she cocked her head, "He?" she asked.

Alison cracked the door open behind her.

* * *

Felix stood nervously waiting. He could hear Alison talking behind the door. He couldn't make out their conversation, nor who was saying what. He hated how they all sounded so much alike, it made eavesdropping very hard. Felix looked around the hallway. No one was coming.

The door cracked open.

He could see Alison through the crack; she waved him in.

"…he's my best friend and I just needed to share this with one person." Alison was saying as Felix slipped in the door.

He smiled at Alison who was proudly presenting him. He turned to where she was looking.

"Felix, this is Beth." Alison said motioning.

Felix stood quietly.

Alison looked at him confused. "Felix?"

Felix looked around the room. "Where is she?" he asked.

Alison turned to an empty space, "Don't mind him," she said. "He's always the jokester."

A realization hit Felix. They were the only two people in the room, and Alison didn't realize it.

* * *

"Alison," Beth said, "I told you no one can know. Shit, Alison." Beth ran her fingers through her hair, obviously stressed.

"I'm sorry, Beth," Alison said, "I know I made a promise, but he can keep a secret I swear."

Beth looked down at the ground, defeated. "It's not that Alison." Alison could see she was getting emotional.

"Oh, sweetie," Felix said looking at Alison. He walked over and held her. Alison didn't know why he suddenly hugged her, or why he seemed so sympathetic. Did he not believe her until now?

"Felix," Alison said, "don't be rude, say hi."

Felix pulled back, tears in his eyes. "Alison, have you been having any blurred vision?" he asked, "How bad are the headaches?"

"What are you talking about?" Alison asked.

"Your head," Felix continued, "how hard did you hit it? Shit, I knew we needed to get you to a doctor."

Alison pushed Felix away. "Felix, what the heck are you going on about?"

"He can't see me." Beth said quietly.

Alison looked at Beth, "What do you mean 'he can't see you?' "

"Alison," Felix said, "there's no one there, the room is empty, it's just the two of us."

Alison looked back and forth between them. "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Beth looked up, tears in her eyes. "No." Beth said. "It's no joke, Alison…"

Felix talked over her as if she wasn't speaking, "Alison, I think you hit your head harder than we thought when you fainted…"

"…I'm dead." Beth said

"…you're hallucinating." Felix spoke simultaneously.

Alison looked between them, tears filling her eyes. She refused to believe any of it. It was a cruel joke, a joke that they planned together. Alison hated them for the ruse. She would never forgive them for this.

She fell against the back wall and let herself slide down.

Felix came over and kneeled beside her. "Sweetie," Felix said, "let's get you to a doctor."

He tried to lift Alison but she refused. She quietly whispered, "No."

"Alison," Felix said, "I don't think we can wa-"

Alison looked up into his eyes, a mix of despair and anger on her face, "Leave." She said, "Leave me to be insane."

"Alis-"

"Go, or wait outside," Alison cut in, "I don't care, just leave me alone with my hallucination so I can yell at her like a crazy person."

Felix looked to the emptiness, and for a second Alison thought he might have seen her, but he turned back and walked out the door closing it behind him.

* * *

Felix heard the door close.

He didn't know what to do. Alison was in there now, arguing with herself. He pressed his back against the wall and slid down. He ran his fingers through his immaculate hair.

Felix began to sob.

* * *

"He's wrong." Beth said.

Alison was silent.

"I promise you aren't hallucinating, Alison." Beth said, as if it made a difference.

"So, what?" Alison demanded, "You're a ghost? You're some zombie thing? What Beth, what crazy lie do you want me to believe?"

Beth's lip trembled. "I never wanted to hurt you, I just wanted to see you."

"How, Beth," Alison said, "how could you do this to me? How could you lie?"

"I didn't." Beth said, "you assumed Alison, you assumed everything and you believed it because it was easy and it made sense."

"Do not try and have me absolve your lie, Beth," Alison bit back, "do not place the blame on me."

"You're right," Beth said, "I'm sorry. I...I was selfish. I wanted to spend time with you. I wanted to not think about the reality. I thought we could have some of it back, some of us back, Alison."

"So it's true?" Alison asked, "You killed yourself that day?"

Beth choked on her tears; she couldn't speak. Alison despised her hesitation. Beth nodded.

Alison clinched her hands into fists, and looked up, away from Beth. Tears filled her eyes and sent the lights into blinding flares in her vision. She pressed her lids together tightly but opened them to the same tear-filled fog. She couldn't feel anything but the weight upon her chest. A horrible tingle rose in her back, and she felt cold. Alison felt so very, achingly cold. "You left me," Alison said, "you chose to end us."

Beth stepped forward and went to reach for Alison. Alison pulled away, keeping a large gap between them. She stood from the ground and backed away from Beth. Beth let her hand fall in defeat. "I never left you, Alison," Beth said, "I didn't do it to leave you, Alison. I did it _for_ you."

"You did it _for_ me? That is a rotted cabbage patch, Beth." Alison shot, "This isn't some teen love song. You can't pretend that your inability to handle your emotions was romantic, Beth." Alison aimed to wound, and hit her mark. Beth didn't respond for a long time.

"The depression was real, Alison." Beth said through a wavering voice, "Hold my decisions against me, hold the words and promises I said against me, but don't you dare hold my depression against me. I did a lot wrong to you, Alison, but that one is mine. You carried me back from the edge time and time again, but I tried to control too much, I tried to hold too much and I failed, Alison. I failed." Beth no longer held composure. The tears streamed down her face. She wasn't a pretty crier. She broke down into a mess of tears and sorrow.

Beth continued, "I turned to substance. I tried everything I could to feel anything but pain. In the last year of my life I only felt truly happy once: here. This place, this weekend, this was the only time I felt something, anything. I think it's why I find myself tied here. I was co-dependent and I relied on you to be my happiness, to be everything I couldn't be for myself. You shouldn't have had that burden, Alison and for that I'm terribly and horribly sorry."

"It doesn't matter," Alison bit back, "I wasn't enough to keep you around."

Beth stepped forward, not letting Alison step away this time. She grabbed her hand and kept her close. Alison didn't look at her, she couldn't.

"You were more than enough," Beth said softly, "you were everything I ever needed. I was scared, Alison. I was scared of my feelings; I was scared for your safety, for Cosima's safety. I tried to do it all alone, I tried to hold all of the stress and pain inside. In the end it was too much for me. It wasn't that you weren't enough to keep me around. It was that I didn't give enough, I didn't let you in when I desperately needed you."

"I would have been there," Alison pleaded, "why couldn't you trust me to be there for you?"

Beth looked down at Alison's hands in hers. "I wanted to protect you from it all."

"You can't save everyone, Beth!" Alison said.

"I tried. I thought I could save you."

"You couldn't save yourself, Beth," Alison said.

Beth was silent. Alison felt maybe she took things too far. She really didn't like lashing out at Beth. Alison could tell Beth was hurting.

"You could have saved me better if you simply stayed." Alison whispered to break the silence.

Beth took a breath, "I was in too deep."

"What do you mean?" Alison asked.

"Maggie Chen," Beth said, "she was there, and she said she worked with a religious group, and that we were abominations. She said we didn't deserve to live. That they would hunt us down. I held her in my sights but I kept my composure and..." Beth trailed off.

Alison stepped closer, looking in her eyes, "And?"

"And when Maggie Chen said your name," Beth said, "I fired... I didn't intend to, but I couldn't let her live knowing you were in danger. I couldn't let her live knowing someone was out there hunting you. She didn't even say a threat, she just said your name, she said she knew who you were and I lost it. It was a police-trained kill-shot."

Alison took Beth into her arms and held her. "Thank you, Beth."

"Maggie Chen wasn't the problem." Beth continued pulling back from the embrace, "I had let a more evil serpent in. Paul was working for a group called Dyad. He was a spy sent to find out about us. I didn't know what he knew, what he had told them. I couldn't let Paul get to you guys through me. I couldn't let him hurt you."

"Beth," Alison said, "we were all monitored."

"What?"

"Paul was a silent monitor," Alison said, "Paul was an observer. He may very well have been a spy, but so was Donnie, so was Delphine. Beth, Paul may have been working for Dyad, but he wasn't some secret operative."

"Donnie?" Beth questioned, "Delphine?"

"Yes," Alison said, "They were monitors. Dyad hired them to observe us and send information back, for science or something. Donnie was too dumb to know what he was doing and Delphine, well Cosima turned Delphine against Dyad. Either way, they weren't trying to hurt us, they were just invading our privacy and testing us."

Beth turned away, tears filling her eyes. "So it was all for nothing." She said, "I ended my life to cut the tie, so Paul could never find you. It was all in vain, it gave you no more freedom than you had before."

Alison saw the understanding in Beth's eyes. Alison understood everything. Beth assumed Paul was after all of the clones. She had no idea how benign he was. Beth was depressed, but in the end, Beth Childs gave her life as a sacrifice. The pain of the realization ripped into Alison's chest. She was proud, and yet, she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to forgive Beth. The duality of emotions was unbearable.

They sat in silence.

Alison composed herself and wiped the mascara from under her eyes, pulling out her compact and cleaning up her face.

"I have a wedding to attend," was all she said before turning around and walking out the door, leaving Beth alone.

* * *

The door opened and Felix shot to his feet.

"Alison, I-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Felix." Alison said, "We will go celebrate our friends committing the rest of their lives to one another, and then, you will take me to see a neurologist."

Felix couldn't find words to say. Alison walked away from room 104, and Felix followed after her.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Chapter 9_**

The rest of the day was chaotic. Alison buried herself in her obligations. She ran from one end of the resort to the other grabbing anything left in their rooms: Delphine forgetting her blush, Cosima her dress. The two of them had different dressing rooms, Alison bounced between the two to make sure that everything was going smoothly. If Alison wanted to take a break to breathe, to think, or to cry, she wouldn't have the time. She was thankful for that. The best way to ignore our pain is to wrap ourselves up in activities so we don't have time to think about it.

Kira arrived around one in the afternoon. She wore a beautiful dress that blended Cosima's and Delphine's. Alison smiled. Kira would be the only one to stand up there with the couple. Since the crowd would need to be small based on secrecy, Cosima and Delphine decided to forgo traditional bridesmaids. Cosima demanded an exception for Kira of course.

"Do I look nice?" Kira asked as Alison worked on Kira's make-up.

"You look beautiful," Alison said, "You are growing up too fast."

"Sometimes not fast enough," Kira smiled.

"You'll be a young woman soon enough," Alison said, "don't rush into it too quickly."

Kira smiled up at her. Alison really was proud of Kira. Her curls never left as she grew, and despite the blonde darkening from her hair, Alison could see that she was going to break hearts in a few years. She was going to have to keep Kira away from Oscar at all costs. At fourteen he was already starting to notice girls, and this one would definitely be off limits.

The guests arrived soon after. Scott was one of the first to arrive. He wore nice black slacks with a wildly inappropriate plaid button-up tucked in and a mismatched blue tie. Alison wondered how someone could be so unaware of what they wore. Art came a little after. He was able to bring Helena. Alison gave them both a hug in greeting and the three of them carried on small talk.

Alison was surprised when both Cosima and Delphine's parents showed up. Apparently Cosima and Delphine were able to explain to them that the "quadruplets" were some kind of sperm-donor mishap. They used big scientific words to confuse and explain away the issue. In the end it seemed like both sets of parents bought the lie. People will believe what is easiest to believe, in order to not have to face the harshness of reality.

Finally, when all was set and ready to go, Alison stepped away from the dressing rooms and walked out into the venue. It was a gorgeous room off to one side of the resort. The room was big enough for a small wedding, which fit perfectly for the miniscule crowd that attended the ceremony. As Alison walked into the room, she saw out the windows, off to the side, the gazebo in full view. She smiled, quickly brushing the memory from her mind.

"May I?" a voice cut in beside her.

Alison turned to see Donnie, arm out, apologetic look on his face. He had dressed in his best suit, and Alison couldn't deny that he was pulling it off well.

"Donnie, I d-" Alison began.

"Not here," Donnie said, "we'll talk about it later, for now, let's just enjoy this wedding. Besides, you're still on vacation from me, remember?"

She smiled and took his arm. He led her to a pair of seats and sat next to her. She placed a hand on his leg. Turning she shot him a sympathetic smile. He sent back a look of understanding.

The small crowd died down and found their seats, the audience no more than fifteen to twenty people. Felix slipped in on the other side of Alison, slipping his hand in into her hand and squeezing once to let her know he was there for her. Alison was thankful. She squeezed in closer to him, fighting back the emotions held at bay deep within her. Alison looked around the room, shocked to see Marian Bowles slipping into a seat in the back row.

Alison looked up at the flower wedding-arch. She noticed that it had not been turned around, Kira's work shining bright at the front. Alison smiled. She found herself surprisingly ok with it. There were more important things in life than perfection.

The room was framed in sashes of fabric along the crown-moldings. Each of the chairs was covered in a white satin fabric, tied with a perfect black bow. The entire room was elegant, with blacks and whites. Alison smiled at the colors knowing Delphine planned most of the wedding. Alison couldn't deny the fantastic taste she had.

The music began.

The doors opened and Kira came forward. She wore a cute red and white gown. The red and white in equal parts, accenting one another. The entire dress was rounded off with a black belt. Alison looked at her as she walked, seeing her straight posture, and the beginnings of womanhood showing in her face and body. Alison felt emotional knowing that Kira was growing up, and nothing said it quite as strongly as the sight of her in a beautiful dress. The girl was becoming a lady. Alison thought once more about the hearts Kira would break, and the one she would complete someday.

Kira stepped up to the arch, off to the left to leave room for the brides and waved at her mom. As she did, the music switched songs.

Alison's heart beat with anticipation as the French melody played through the speakers. The song was obviously old, and full of nostalgia. The music danced through piano arrangements, and added a small touch of an accordion in the background. The piece was almost minimalist, repeating patterns following the piano melody. It felt so very alien to a wedding and yet was so very perfect. Alison felt herself already tearing up. As the accordion picked up, the white doors at the back of the room swung open and Delphine stood. She was absolutely, impossibly stunning.

She wore a tight-lacy white dress. The fabric following her every curve, it felt simultaneously sexy, and completely modest. The dress covered most of her, long white lacey sleeves wrapping down her arms, a lacey Queen Anne neckline accenting her immaculate collarbones. Alison had to find her breath. She had always known Delphine was a beautiful woman, but in this moment, she understood that Delphine Cormier stood a step above the rest of humanity. Alison stopped blocking her tears as Delphine walked down the aisle, past where Alison was seated. She walked to the arch and stood, awaiting her bride.

The entire crowd turned to the back of the room. The door closed, leaving a sense of anxiety in the pits of everyone's stomach. The French melody faded, leaving in its wake silence, nervousness, and hope. A piano piece began, notes hitting softly in an intro, faster than Alison would have expected, but still fitting. The intro faded down to the softest moment of silence and the doors opened. The piece took off with fervor, still soft and beautiful but fast and light, almost whimsical. It wasn't traditional by any means but it seemed in some strange way to absolutely and perfectly fit Cosima.

"Perpetuum Mobile," Felix whispered to Alison, "bold choice." Alison felt it was the perfect choice.

Cosima walked forward to a gasp of awe. She wore a crimson dress, accented with a black petticoat, visible from the bottom of her knee-length dress. Atop her shoulders sat a black jacket, the bottom cut high on her torso. She looked untraditional, but she looked beautiful. She had dreads up on a tight bun atop her head, but in her hands sat only a single rose. The entire look was almost vintage, yet the colors screamed rockstar. Alison smiled, knowing that's exactly the kind of person Cosima was. As she walked down the aisle, she passed Helena. Helena gave her a smile, and stood from her seat. Cosima paused. Helena handed her a rose. Cosima shot her a wink and continued walking, two roses now. As she came to Alison, she paused once more and Alison stood, smiling, and handed Cosima another rose. Finally, as she came to the end, Sarah stood and handed her a rose. Cosima's eyes were no longer dry.

She made it to the dais, and Delphine handed her a rose of her own. Not red, but white, and perfect. Cosima held the now complete bouquet in her hands and smelled the fragrance. Then, handing her bouquet to Kira, took Delphine's hands in her own. They smiled at one another, and the room sat still, revolving around their over bounding love.

"I have never seen such pretty women." the officiator began, "Here we have two women, of two very distinct tastes and styles that separately, do not seem to mix. Yet, when you place them here, together, they seem to have been intended for only one another."

The officiator continued, beautifully laying out the story of their love. He told the story of Cosima corrupting Delphine, before bribing her with Eskimo Pies. He told stories of Delphine fighting for Cosima. He told stories of immaculate, uncorrupt love. He mentioned that there are people in our lives that impact us, and leave a mark that can never be washed away. That when you find the right one, you won't want to wash it away, no matter the good or bad times. Donnie and Felix both gave Alison's hands a squeeze, for very different, very conflicting reasons. Alison let a single tear slide down her cheek.

"The brides have prepared their own vows," The officiator announced finally. The crowd inched towards the edge of their chairs.

"I am to begin," Delphine said, looking only in Cosima's eyes.

"Cosima," Delphine said, emphasizing each syllable equally, "you came into my life and took my heart. I had felt I was broken, I had felt I was empty. Never before had I been able to feel love. Never before had I known what it felt like to burn in your heart for another person. But you walked in, with your smile, and your cheeky sass, and I found love."

Cosima wiped a tear from her own eye as Delphine continued. "You trusted me even when I gave you no reason to. You forgave me even when I hurt you the most. You held me in your arms and loved me, even when my inexperience _showed._" Delphine shot Cosima a wink, and Cosima returned with a laugh.

"You are everything," Delphine said, "we are protons and electrons, you and I, we desperately need one another to keep us grounded, even when we push against each other most. We are a symbiotic relationship, each feeding off one another, each providing something of value. You are my anemone, and I, your clown fish. You are my flower, and I the bee. We rely on one another, and though two very different species at times, you and I are one. We are meant to be." The crowd filled with tears. Alison even saw Felix wiping one away.

"I will always love you," Delphine began the closing, "I will always be by your side. My decisions may not always be sound, but they will always be from love for you. Never ending, uncontrollable, complete, abounding love."

Cosima stood on her toes and gave Delphine a kiss. "I don't think we do that yet," Delphine said.

"I don't care," Cosima added, "you're too adorable not to kiss."

Cosima then turned to the crowd. "I need to make an apology for what I'm about to say," Cosima said to everyone, "most of you won't understand, frankly, I don't understand. I also need to make an apology to mister and misses Cormier for the shame I'm about to bring to the entire country of France. I hope they can forgive me in time."

Cosima turned to Delphine, who shot her a look of confusion, and then Cosima began, "Delphine. Notre relation a commencé comme un mensonge. Il n'existe pas de mensonge d'un petit ami que je suis absolument ravi. Vous avez essayé de lutter contre notre amour, mais franchement je vous séduit parce que je me suis, et je ne renonce pas."

Delphine and her parents laughed. Alison turned to Felix for help. Felix simply shrugged, completely lost.

"Vous êtes si belle aujourd'hui," Cosima continued, "Je n'ai jamais pu commencer à espérer pour une personne de plus parfait dans ma vie. Une personne qui a lutté pour mes intérêts, même quand je lui ai dit de ne pas, une personne qui mettrait notre propre relation à la ligne, si cela signifiait que je pouvais vivre un autre jour. Delphine, je suis hella en amour avec vous. Je veux vieillir ensemble. Je veux m'asseoir sur une véranda et crier enfants. Je veux boire du vin tard dans la nuit, et aucun de nous sortir du lit le matin. Je veux essayer de fromages et de pains en France. Je veux marcher le long de la Golden Gate Bridge avec votre main dans la mienne. Je veux vous embrasser en public. Je veux faire l'amour passionné de vous!" Delphine snorted and Cosima shot an apologetic look at Delphine's parents.

"Delphine Cormier," Cosima continued, "Je serai la meilleure épouse que je peux, et je vous aimerai toujours."

Delphine smiled. "You are very bad at French," she said, "but you are perfect at speaking to my heart."

The officiator had them slip rings on one another's fingers and they did, promising to be there for one another in sickness and health. Then, as quickly as it began, it ended.

"Delphine Cormier," The officiator said, "Cosima Neihaus. You may kiss the bride."

Cosima leapt from where she stood and almost knocked Delphine over with a kiss. Delphine laughed as she caught Cosima in her arms and held her close kissing her passionately.

"I am proud to present, the beautiful couple." The officiator announced to cheers from the audience. Cosima raised Delphine's hand and they walked back down the aisle.

Alison's vision followed them, and stopped at the back of the room. In the corner stood Beth. Alison now knew, no one but her would be able to see Beth. Alison avoided eye contact and smiled at the now-married couple. For one brief second, Beth locked eyes with Alison. She looked apologetic, hurt. She smiled at Alison and turning away, walked out the door.

* * *

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have included an English translation of Cosima's vow._

_Cosima turned to Delphine, who shot her a look of confusion, and then Cosima began, "Delphine. Our relationship began as a lie. A lie about boyfriend that I am absolutely delighted didn't exist. You tried to fight against our love, but frankly I appealed to you because I am me, and I do not give up." _

_Delphine and her parents laughed. Alison turned to Felix for help. Felix simply shrugged, completely lost._

_"You are so beautiful today," Cosima continued, "I could never begin to hope for a more perfect person in my life. A person who fought for my interests, even when I told her not to, someone who would put our own relationship on the line, if it meant I could live another day. Delphine, I'm hella in love with you. I want to grow old together. I want to sit on a porch with screaming children. I want to drink wine late at night, and us not get out of bed in the morning. I want to try cheese and bread in France. I want to walk along the Golden Gate Bridge with your hand in mine. I want to kiss you in public. I want to make passionate love to you!" Delphine snorted and Cosima shot an apologetic look at Delphine's parents._

_"Delphine Cormier," Cosima continued, "I'll be the best wife I can, and I will always love you."_


	10. Chapter 10

**_ Chapter 10_**

The reception dinner was filled with loud music and even louder laughter. The married couple sat alone at a table, flirting endlessly, counting down the minutes until they could be in their room. Alison looked at them with longing, a longing for a possible future she would never have. Alison hadn't seen Beth since the end of the ceremony. She wasn't sure if she'd ever see her again. Somehow, someway they had ended things in a worse way than Beth jumping in front of a train. Somehow no closure had been had, and the wound Alison felt was deeper and more raw. The worst part was Alison's inability to know if Beth was really to blame. Was she a spirit, some manifestation of Beth's soul, tied to the last place she held happiness, only allowed a limited window into Alison's life? Or was Beth simply a figment of Alison's imagination, hallucinated from an unchecked head injury? Alison searched for proof for either side, but came up with nothing. She couldn't trust Beth, and she couldn't trust herself either. She was alone.

Alison handled the stress that ripped away on the back of her mind by burying herself into the event, refusing the give into to hopelessness.

Kira sat next to Alison and the two of them talked about her dress, and how well she did. They discussed the nuances of the wedding and what pieces Kira would use for her own wedding some day.

"I don't think I'll wear red," Kira said.

Alison forced a laugh. "That's fine, I don't think many people outside of Cosima can pull off red on their wedding day."

"Yeah," Kira said, looking towards Cosima, "But she makes it look so pretty."

Alison smiled. She did. She looked absolutely perfect. Cosima seemed to not walk around the room, but glide, like she was on skates on the ice. Alison watched her floating from table to table, laughing and telling stories.

"Am I going to marry a boy or girl?" Kira said suddenly.

Alison allowed herself a genuine smile, "You can marry whom ever you want, Kira."

Kira looked contemplative. "I don't know yet."

"You don't need to know," Alison said, "eventually you'll just find someone who makes you feel special, who makes you feel the way you think you deserve to feel. When that person comes along, you'll give everything you are to them, and they'll do the same for you. Whether that person is a boy, a girl or a monkey doesn't matter."

"A monkey?!" Kira asked.

"Not literally," Alison said, "I just mean, you're our little Monkey, maybe you'll find someone who is another person's little monkey."

"Oh," Kira said thinking to herself, "I didn't think anyone else used that name."

"You never know," Alison said, "maybe you'll marry someone with the nickname monkey and you'll have monkey dates and monkey babies and monkey grandbabies."

"Gross," Kira said, "I think I'll just settle with a boy or girl."

Alison smiled again at Kira's maturity. "You'll never settle sweetie, I won't let you. You'll find the best, or you'll wait until the best comes along."

Alison hugged Kira and held her close. She kissed the top of her head.

The couple cut the cake, and had their first dance. All of the festivities were perfect. Alison yearned to feel their happiness, but loved to see them living in it. As the evening wore on, and the party calmed, Cosima appeared at Alison's table.

"May I have this dance?" Cosima asked.

"Of course!" Alison responded, taking Cosima's hand and raising from her seat.

The two of them took the dance floor. The song that played was slow, but not romantic. As they held one another, sisters, friends, and companions, Alison felt proud. Everything that made Cosima different, and at times the polar-opposite of Alison, united them. It was through Cosima that Alison saw that DNA did not determine identity. It was through Cosima that Alison saw her own self-worth.

"Thank you," Cosima began, "I know you put a lot of this together."

"You're welcome," Alison replied, "though, I was late to everything and not the best friend I could have been."

"You're cool," Cosima said, "you've got a lot on your mind."

Alison raised an eyebrow to Cosima's comment. Cosima spun Alison and pulled her in close. "This has to be hard for you." Cosima said.

"What does?" Alison replied.

"Seeing this, seeing us," Cosima continued, "listen, I try and stay out of people's personal lives, but I knew about Beth, Alison."

Alison stopped dancing.

"I know you loved her," Cosima said, "I could tell you were more than friends. I'm kind of a seasoned lesbian, I think I can see when people have the hot-eyes for one another."

Alison blushed.

"I know seeing us getting married, seeing us happy has to bring up memories." Cosima said, "I'm just glad you're here. I'm sorry for what happened to Beth. I think you guys would have been perfect together."

Alison felt her heart deep within her throat. Why was Cosima bringing all of this up? Why saying this now?

"Thank you." Was all Alison could muster.

"Take care of Delphine," Alison said, "never let her go, never for an instant take your time for granted. Live your love, and savor every moment. Because Cosima, looking back and regretting not loving her enough, is the worst feeling in the world."

"You loved her enough," Cosima said, "and she loved you. I don't believe in spirits and heaven and all of that, but scientifically, there are some studies that hint towards the possibility of an afterlife of some sorts. The studies are mostly disputed and controversial but if there is something, if there is someway, you know Beth is watching out for you. Like, she's gotta be around here and stuff. I don't know, I just know that if I was Beth, I wouldn't let dying hold me back from you."

A tear slipped down Alison's cheek. "Thank you," she said as she leaned in and kissed Cosima's cheek, "I, uh, I have somewhere I need to be."

She broke from Cosima and slipped out the back door. As she stood on the side stairs to the resort and looked out at the setting sun, she saw a silhouette in the gazebo. Alison took a breath, gaining confidence, and walked through the grass in her heels.

Beth sat on a bench, wearing the same sweater-dress as before. She looked sad, and she looked alone. Alison walked up the stairs in silence, looking down at her feet. She forced herself out into the middle of the gazebo and stood in front of Beth, open and vulnerable.

"May I have this dance?" Alison asked, in almost a whisper.

Beth took her hand and Alison pulled her close. The music from the reception was quiet, but loud enough to find the beat. The two of them danced in silence. Songs started and ended, rising and falling, still they danced in silence. Beth was the first to speak.

"I will never be able to say 'I'm sorry' enough."

"No," Alison said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I planned ahead. You told me from the beginning to calm down and I planned our life together. I set myself up for disappointment."

"I'm glad you planned," Beth said, "I would give anything to share that life with you, Alison."

"Me too," Alison said, "I was about to file for divorce and move to Tahiti with you."

Beth smiled, eyes watering. "Oh no," she said, "my skin burns way too easily for Tahiti."

Alison laughed, "Mine too."

"Maybe Ireland, or Sweden." Beth said.

Alison laughed. "It's colder there than it is here!"

"That just means we'd have to snuggle up to keep warm." Beth said.

Alison rolled her eyes, "You'll do anything to get in my pants."

"Hey," Beth said, "I gotta find someway, after all I'm not a sappy romantic or anything."

"You're plenty romantic for me." Alison said.

Beth smiled and pulled her close, mouths to one another's ears. "I will always be here for you. Just say the words, and I'll hear."

Alison's heart ached, and tears welled in her eyes. "There is no way you can hold up to that, I'll be talking to the air too much and you'll get tired of hearing my voice."

Beth laughed, "I could never get tired of you."

Alison pulled back, staying in the dance, but looking in Beth's face. "I think I'm going to make this an annual thing," she said, "come up here, alone. Walk our garden, sit at our pond, a time to reflect."

"Alison, I can't-" Beth said.

"I know, Beth," Alison said, "I know this is a one-time thing. Even if I never see you again, just coming here and being around this place, the last place you were happy, it's enough. Just getting a little sliver of you will be enough to push me on."

Beth smiled, "I will always be here when you come, and know that though you may not see me, or feel me, I will be sitting along side you at the pond, and every time you whisper 'I love you' I will be yelling it back in response."

"After it happened," Beth continued, "after the train. I awoke at the Pond. I sat up, and I looked across the water. It was still, and I wasn't sure why I was here, but when it came to me, when I grasped the reality of what had happened, I wasn't sad, or scared. Right in front of me was the biggest reminder that I fought for you, till the end. No one can take that from me. I overcame my depression. In the end I gave my life for the one person worth living for. I finally had something to hold on to, and it was that one thing that made me proud to make the sacrifice."

Alison slipped back in close to Beth, continuing their dance in silence. "I'm proud to have loved you, Beth," Alison said, "I'm proud to have had you in my life, to be near you, to share even a moment with you."

Beth wiped a tear from her eye. "We had a love for the ages," Beth said, "It may have been a short flame, but no flame will ever burn as bright as we did. I will never stop loving you, 'burbs, not in life, and not in death."

Alison couldn't see through the tears in her eyes. "I love when you call me that," she admitted, "it's my favorite nickname."

The two of them kissed, and then they were silent. They held one another and danced quietly, never wishing this moment to end.

* * *

Felix walked out the door and looked across the lawn. Alison stood dancing alone, arms raised in the air as if a person was there. Felix looked to the ground. He hated that she was going through this. He hated the idea that there may be permanent damage, the hallucinations, the delusions. Felix hurt inside seeing his best friend going through the pain. He would find the best doctor for her. He vowed to find the best and they would get Alison through this.

"Pretty wedding." A voice said behind Felix.

Instinctively, Felix stepped in between the voice and the gazebo, blocking the view. Art stood, beer in hand. He wore a suit that was slightly too small, and too dated for him.

"Oh," Felix said, "yeah, pretty wedding."

"Been a crazy week," Art continued, "finally glad to have some sanity."

Felix shot him a questioning look. "What do you mean?"

"I've been having crazy dreams," Art said, "like Wednesday, in my dream I woke up, and there at the end of my bed stood Beth."

"Beth?" Felix asked, "Beth Childs?"

"How many Beth's do you know?" Art asked, "Yeah, my old partner. She stood there and she told me, thanks for looking out for you guys. She then sat on the end of my bed, and told me I needed to do her a favor."

"A favor?" Felix repeated.

"Yeah," Art said, "she told me I needed to talk to Alison after this weekend. Tell her old stories and just hang out with her. It was really weird, she didn't say anything about Cosima or Sarah, just...Alison."

"Mother Teresa." Felix exclaimed, dumbfounded. He backed away and looked back at the gazebo, Alison still dancing with the air.

"I'll never get over it." Art said.

"Over what?" Felix questioned.

"The whole clone thing," Art continued pointing towards Alison, "I know that that's Sarah and Alison dancing, but I can't help but see Beth when I look at them."

Felix looked at Art, and then back at Alison dancing alone.

"There?" Felix questioned pointing to Alison, "Sarah and Alison dancing right there?"

Art looked at Felix like he was ascertaining if a criminal were high, "Yes, there."

Felix sat silently with his jaw dropped.

Art could see Beth.

"Alison's ok isn't she?" Art asked, "She's seemed like something's been bothering her."

Felix smiled, understanding the truth at last.

"She's going to be fine," Felix said, "she's going to be fine."

* * *

_Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who went on this journey with me. I had this concept come to me in a dream and within two days had written the first three chapters. This has taken a lot out of me, but I am super proud of what has come to be. I am floored by the response this has gotten. I hoped to come into this telling a small soccercop story and it ended up writing itself. These two love-birds rip at my heart, and I absolutely love writing them. I hope the story was a good read for you guys and I hope you guys will check out my other fics. If you enjoyed the story, please favorite, review or share it on social media, and boost it. I can honestly say this is my favorite thing I've ever written, and I'd love to have as many people read it as possible._

_Anyway, I'm unsure what else to write besides my extreme gratitude to a few people. Jules, you are one of the most encouraging people I know and an amazing friend. Leslie, your work is an inspiration and I'm super thankful that you took the time to help me out with this. Finally, Jasmine and Emily helped Beta early-on in this project and I want to thank them for pointing out some of my most common grammar mistakes so I didn't look like a fool. (Who knew herself was one word?) _

_Thank you to everyone who read this and remember, people can die, but true love lives on._


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